I fanasize......

I fanasize about a day when the past would be a ghost
I fanasize about a tomorrow which could never play host
I fanasize about a dimension where I am the oblivion
I fanasize about a world where I get to be whoever the hell I want

I fanasize about a path where I would cherish my blessings
I fanasize about a crime which would set me free
I fanasize about coming out of the shadow that I have become
I fanasize about not existing like a zombie anymore

I fanasize about a burden that would for once be worth carrying
I fanasize about a milestone which would make the journey worthwhile
I fanasize about a moniker that speaks for itself
I fanasize about a memory which would stand out, pain-free

I fanasize about each moment which takes me closer to my destiny
I fanasize about the final peace that would banish the turmoil
I fanasize about the illumination that could explain all my choices
I fanasize about a life worth living for and a love worth dying for.

Annoyingly random lines right? But that's basically me right now...scattered all over the universe.

Where have I been? In another self imposed exile.
What have I been doing? What do people do in exile? Mop...what else.
Why have I been doing so? Hmmm... I'm confused if my special days have become ordinary or my ordinary days special. The B'day day couldn't have been any dudder, the V-day made me turn into one of those cynics who don't have love next to then so they hate people around who do and speak out at varying decibels of how overrated the day is. The annual anniversary didn't even win me one single flower; the red zerbra!!!I was contemplating travelling to California and I was excited about going to Sweden; I'm going to UK, which even though is what I wanted just a few months ago, is now making me wonder why did I want it in the first place!!!I've had some great days of self realizations, of people showing me just how special I am and I've had days where I don't know why I am even trying to do anything at all and have felt like the dust on a door mat.
When will it end? Probably after the much awaited Euro trip (but I won't count on it...photos might soon replace all my words, if not most)
How have I been spending my time? Oh mostly composing new drafts everyday, recruiting as many as I can for the Euro trip (which I swear on my-Satan's concubine-red nails, I'll murder Radhe Shyam ,if I have to end up going alone); learning some Portugese and forgetting it the very next hour; miserably failing to like C /C++programs(why did masochistic humans evolve from Fortran...why oh Lucifer why), mugging up the capitals of 5 countries each day to trick my brain into thinking that it equates to improving  my pathetic GK; crafting and re-craftings my "finer" side, looking inside to find some answers(so far all I've gotten is that I've a hollow-Chandler dead-tin chest and all the answers are frigging outside), wondering what sort of an SME I am when I can't even be sure what is the subject, where is the matter and how did I become an expert. Short story shorter, not very productively.

desejando um amanhã melhor

 

P.S.  It's fanasize, not fantasize, cause that's how I say it with an American or Southie accent depending on the people I have just interacted with.

P.P.S. Don't you people dare ask me how the blogger's meet was...with that many no shows and a guy who came with only one agenda in mind it was...never mind. 

P.P.P.S. I've lost the inclination to get on blogger, even if it is to read other blogs. I'm sorry I haven't been regular here or on your blogs guys, the one thing I hate is being fake and I'll be just that if I try to be my older self now.

INDIA: A country of paradoxes

              India. My Beautiful India. You are unique. Did you know that? Nah… I am not saying so to flatter you. You indeed are unique. OK you want me to prove it. Fine. You answer this. Tell me who among your brothers’ and sisters’ can boast of having a desert and a glacier, a peninsula and snow capped mountain ranges, islands and union territories all interwoven to make one single nation? You won’t have an answer you know because there isn’t anybody apart from who Mother Nature has blessed so abundantly. 

You aren't called Incredible India without a reason you know. You have the Western Ghats and the Eastern Himalayas which are perennially covered in a blanket of green and filled with the hoots-roars-trumpets-bellows-drones-hisses and chirps of the gorgeous animals you provide shelter to. You are home to different languages due to your cultural and geographical diversity; a whooping 347! I don't even want to start n the festivals and rituals we Indians have. You should be proud of yourself. Hey, why are you so vehemently disagreeing with me? WHAT!!! You say your assets have now become your liabilities. Your blessings have turned into banes. What are you talking about would you care to explain please? Yes I promise I will listen to you carefully answer your questions to the best of my conscience. Let’s begin then. 

Do I know APJ? Are you kidding me? Off course I know APJ. Which other country can boast of a rocket scientist for a President! I see that brought a smile to your face, but that wasn't your point was it? Hmm.... your right we Indians could make a Muslim a President, but we haven been able to shun are deep rooted parochial tag of a terrorist from our Muslims brothers. Go ahead. You want to talk about the cow now??? HOLY COW! Ooops sorry I promised I would listen carefully. Yes I do see gomathas all over Bangalore. How? Eh....probably because they have been let loose by their masters, to fend for themselves, after providing years of selfless service. Hey wait a minute isn't the cow sacred as per our scriptures? If our religious sentiments prevent us from butchering her doesn't it also mean we need to give her a respectable death? But when are scriptures actually followed here. A huge hue and cry was raised when Richard Gere planted a peck on Shilpa Shetty's cheeks. 'Barthiya Sanskrithi to Dhaka' read newspapers across the country. I pity the cows for not being able to get national coverage for their despicable plight. Our scared River Ganga is also dying a slow death don't you agree? 

But all is not lost India. What about our languages. That sure is something to boast of. No you say. "Indians have stopped respecting the very same diversity the would have otherwise boasted of to their Brit friends." I will have to agree with you on this. You know what happened the other day? I happened to board this local bus to commute to my workplace and I noticed one of my friends from office, Aditya, having a tough time explaining to the conductor where exactly he wanted to be dropped off. Now here down in the South things are a little different. People here can be just a rude as they can be helpful. In this case the conductor happened to be the former and he let loose a string of profanities. I was left wondering whose fault it was: the conductor’s because of his total denial of the fact that Hindi is our national language and every Indian should no how to speak in Hindi or is it Aditya's since he has obstinately refused to learn the local lingo for the past 4 years? You were divided on a linguistic basis India, and we still remain divided even so many years of freedom!! Truly sad. 

I know the Ambanis', Murthys', Birlas' etc. used the bountiful resources you provided and sent their children to Stanford/Oxford/LSB without fail. Your IITs was not worthy enough for their sons and daughters. Do we see any of them coming back to improve your condition. No chance in hell!!!No wonder the millionaires of our country move on to become billionaires or if they can swindle the common man more probably trillionares but the slum dog, alas will always remain the slum dog. 

But you still have me India. Not just me, many like me. I can try to change your plight, but I sure won't join politics to do so because when I see floods I see misery and not the power sharing tactics my state witnessed. Me being a girl have my limitations after all the once epitome of courage and strength - Kali Maa is today reduced to a victim of incest-rape-dowry death! You still maybe the country where the judiciary decides how to punish Ajmal Kasab and not the mother of Sandeep Unnikrishnan. You may well be the country where till date the girl child is shunned upon, fair skin is lusted after and religious intolerance reaches new atrocious levels. But you were my 1st love India and to date your status remains so.  

Your only salvation is true and impartial education to the future generation. I can only promise to strive to remove you from the shackles of terrorism, riots, scams and malevolence that hold you back from realizing the hallowed place of glory thy truethly deserve.  

India. My Incredible India, I only pray - "Into that heaven of freedom my Father, let my country awake"

                              Happy Republic Day, fellow Indians!!! 

 

P.S I had written this 2010 and I never thought my sentiments would change. They haven't in the least bit, but suddenly earning in pounds seems much much more gratifying than busting my ass over morons for peanuts paid in ruppaiyyas.   

P.P.S: The video attached here is played  at a multiplex in a local mall before any movie begins. The audience are politely asked to stand, some do, some don't. Those that do at remind me at times of the geometric constructions of angles my tuition students did, acute or obtuse, never 90 degrees!!! During the last bit, at the salute of muchad-uncle, goosebumps pop out of every follicle on me and I always add a mental note, I'm proud I am an Indian. When did a hypocrite creep inside me? When I say, when!!! But then, it's IN the Indian DNA to manifest itself as the biggest hypocrites mankind has ever known.

Bum on the saddle

 

I was running late that day. Things have a tendency to go wrong around me and I was all too aware of the minutes slipping past sporadically, as though they had a sprint contest going on. Had to skip breakfast yet again and father wasn't happy about my choice of clothes either. I couldn't afford to miss the college bus; the alternative being felt up in the over-crowded, over-smelling and over-tardy city bus. After the hurried exit from the house I was rushing to cover the 10 minute walk to the bus when I noticed him first. I had seen that cycle before, who would miss it. Garish orange in color, it had the complexion to make a chrysanthemum blush, but it was the first time I had seen the proud owner. Now if the vahan of this demi-god of the Govinda clan was a standout you sensible people can as well guess his attire, can't you? Me being me, burst out laughing right there, forgetting I was 2 mins away from missing the college bus. Having had my dose of entertainment for the day, I ran like a maniac to reach the yellow moving vehicle, which to my blurred vision appeared to be my means of reaching the college. A familiar "Schumi will leave you behind one day, just you watch" greeted me and I could allow myself to relax and regain my breath. I always sat with Vatsal in the bus and promptly started my quota of stories, ignoring his banal comment as usual. He had nothing much to offer on the red glittery pants of Mr demi-god but we did come up with a name for him " Chamki ". That was the end of him for that day and I didn't think of him till the next day.   

I wasn't late the following day, but I did forget my lunch, so had to rush back to avoid Mother tagging along the coll bus with her Scooty, embarrassing the shit out of me, to deliver the forgotten tiffin box. The orange fellow was doing rounds today with a bum clad in purple boot-cut pants. After shielding my eyes from the attack of colors I dared to cast a second glance at Chamki, he grinned a broad not-so-indecent grin for God- of-fuglies only knows why, but he didn't seem bothered that I had the grimace that should have made any normal person doubt himself just a bit. Nope, this man, ladies and gentlemen, was on the contrary beaming with self confidence. Vatsal wanted to call him 'Burple Chamki' and took a guess that tomorrow I would be blessed with gold or yellow pants. They weren't yellow pants the next day, but it was an yellow shirt atop black and white checkered pants. Before I could even absorb the shock, some words reached me. When I had recovered I could swear they were "Hi, you look nicey". One can guess what Vatsal, with his dodo  brain would have offered for this "Nicey Chamki". The conversation was strictly one-sided for a few days so was the increasing damage to my optic cells.   

One fine day, after one of the famous no-win arguments with my mother, when he had the audacity to come up to me with green spectacles and matching footwear, I broke my silence. To date I'm not sure if the green triggered self-destructive hormones in me or Mother had taken care of that for me. The conversation went like this..

Cow dung-green Chamki: Hi, you goody today?

Me(after failing to come up with a grimace): What does it look like to you?

Cow dung-green Chamki: You tell na?

Me: Do you have a mirror at home? 

Cow dung-green Chamki: 3 I having, why?

Me: Has it not cracked still?   

Cow dung-green Chamki: no no, all is yokay....you from where?

Me(having had enough of the green monkey): Bulgaria. 

Cow dung-green Chamki: where it is ya?

Me(after not being able to come up with something smart enough): Where they wear only black and white ya. 

Cow dung-green Chamki: But you wear coloursu no...you don't likey Bluguria?

Me(having reached the bus and seeing an evil grin on Vatsal): Kill me God, kill me!!!

Hoor ke saath langoor types

Needless to say, everybody in class already knew about my green encounter before I had even stepped inside and had to endure day long jokes, some even involving me taking a ride on the orange abomination!!! Rage hormones had given birth to newer rage hormones and I couldn't wait to vent it out on the green monkey. 

All geared up the next day, I leave earlier than usual to get rid of the rainbow man but he hadn't come without his preparations either. The blue polka dot creature had flowers to offer along with "I sarry, you very nice, you talking of suicide hurting me" and left. I was flabbergasted to say the least and never got a chance to vent my frustration. The next day with trepidation in my heart and bracing my eyes and myself against more shenanigans, I stepped out of my house, the chromatic world were hues are under my control, to be greeted with a sombre attired not so sombre Chamki. There was no mention of yesterday or the flowers and he promptly got on to elaborating why what he had for breakfast was healthy, that his cycle needs some new green tyres and that his parents were looking for an ideal match for sister in the wrong community. The only thought in my head that day was, if Chamki is this color blind how much is Chamki's little sister!!!

The bum on the saddle did his rounds in the same manner everyday for the rest of the semester. I would occasionally offer a hmm...or a curve of the lips which I would never admit was a smile. There were Mondays when I would be so low in the blue dump and the mindless chatter from the sometimes red, sometimes yellow, sometimes red and yellow bum would keep me company during the 10 minutes walk. Vatsal had long since stopped coming up with improved names for Chamki, he couldn't keep up with the gamut of colors the bum had to offer you see. There were times when his stories would be engaging and I would have to pinch myself from offering my opinions. At times I would hear few words which I was bound to interpret as compliments and I would hate myself for being a girl and liking those compliments. The fact that the guy annoyed the crap out of me with his broken English was replaced with the one that there was a man who could talk more than me and make no sense whatsover but gives a rats ass about that. It mattered not to him how fast I walked, how tight my arms were crossed or how stoic my face would be. he would ramble on and on and on. There was no stopping this man or camouflaging him. Not that I tried to either. 

 

It's now 3 weeks of  the final semester and I haven't spotted the flaming orange bicycle yet nor have I been blinded by it's flamboyant rider since I got back from my vacation between the semesters. I had never asked the bum his name and the name Chamki has stuck on. The journey from the house to the bus for some reason seems very lonely. For 5 months, when everything was uncertain in my life, the color display from the bum on the saddle was the only certainty in my life. Even though it was a monologue I miss the 10 minute conversations we had every morning for 6 days in a week. The gamut of the colors the monkey had to offer stands in stark contrast today to monochromatic world that I inhabit, the audacity of the man to talk uninhibitedly to a stranger reminds me incessantly of the walls I have built around me and the callousness of Chamki nudges me to stop being a Prima donna and enjoy life as it is meant to be. I know not what happened of the rainbow man but I do know that I miss the familiar orange bicycle and bum atop it's saddle.

P.S. I seemed to have lost the inclination to post anything in particular. I still write but just save them as drafts. I'm sure it's just not me but a cure for this would be much appreciated.

P.P.S. I had a totally different plot in mind when I started this, it was supposed to be a semi-love story kind but getting back on the saddle of fiction writing has it's hiccups and I am so not happy with what I garbled out here :'(. 

P.P.P.S: Schumi was the name of our college bus driver, for obvious reasons.

2012: The year of the DRAGON

                       Shuru hua jo saal, tha tab aknho mein sapne aur man mein tha vishwas

                 Shadiyon ka mausam tha, naye safar ka agaman,

         Dil phudkta bhi tha, machlta bhi tha, 

Fiza tho rangeen thi, sapne bhi beshumaar the,

                 Ek anokhe bandhan ki shurath hui, umeed se umang bandh gaya,

              Do maheeno ka wo pyaar rahega us khuda pe udhaar.

Asha ki nayya jispe thi mein savar, le chala mujhe wo saath samandar paar. 
Raste mein aye kuch adchan par saathi na sang diya bara bar,
Thi mein azad apni duniya mein, pankh jaise nikal ho waise, 
Dil tha halka, ane wala kal tha niraala,
Thand ne kiya tha mujhe behaal par kam na hua josh,
Do maheeno ka wo daav rahega us khuda pe udhaar.


Anjaan duniya mein mile kuch jaane pehchane dost,
Akele rehne ka bhi tha kuch alag hi maza,
Suraj ko taak thi mein dair raath tak, rut ta tha jab wo mujse, karti mein minnat,
Goomi mein har kahi, jaam piya har koi, afsoos kiya na kuch bhi,
Wapas ana pad jab, dil ke ek kone mein basaya har saugaad,
Do maheeno ka wo uphaar rahega us khuda pe udhaar.

 

Alag duniya thi maine dekhi, alag logo se thi mein mili, 

Wapas jo ayi, na samjhi mein, ke apne paraye hogaye the ya mein parayi ho chali thi,

 Mann bechain rehta tha, na jaane kya chata tha, 

Pareshaniyon se phir hua aisa milan, bhawarn mein phasi tho dosto se bhi hui ghutan,

Laut ne ka rasta talash ne nikhli mein, apna kehnoko tho yaha pe kuch bhi na raha,

Do maheeno ki wo tadap rahega us khuda pe udhaar. 

Khudh pe jo rehta tha itna vishwaas, aaj andhero se hun karti mein samna,

Chah rahi na kisi cheez ki, umeed ka daman maine kardiya tyaag,

Har kisise se ho gayi mujhe nafrat, rango se bhi ho gaya parheez,

Kuch logo pe kiya maine waqt barbaad, kuch logo se saha maine backwaas,

Naye dost banaye, naye rishte jataye, dil na behela, aansoon na ruke,

Do maheeno ki wo niraasha rahega us khuda pe udhaar.

Dilon me tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Nazar me khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Hwa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehno sekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna sekho
Hr ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Hr ek pal ek nya sama dekhe nigahein
Jo apni ankhon mein hairanian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betabian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum

2011 has been a mixed year for me. Some aspirations came true, some dreams shattered. I saw love fail me and I saw me failing love. Met some amhazing people, made some new friends and travelled around quite a bit. All in all I collected several memories. I'm thankful for the things that have happened to me this year. Hopefully I've learnt something from all of it and embrace the new year as an old friend and not a scorned memory. I sit today, having planned out nothing for tomorrow, which apart from the New Year, also happens to be my B'day so I feel I've hit rock bottom. I can't let the New Year ride in this way and I can only wish for a miracle to make this dismal mood go away. 2012 is told to be the year of the dragon in the Chinese calendar, I'm not even one-quarter Chinese but three quarters a dragon and she needs to get back to be herself again. 2012 better be a good year, IT HAS TO, there is no other way it can be. I look forward to the new year a lot is going to change both professionally and personally.

      May the new year ring in happiness, love and peace to all of us.

 ευτυχισμένο το νέο έτος

   

P.S. I couldn't continue with my own wordings for November and December, it's just too raw and painful so leaned on Javed Sahab's lyrics to guide me through them. I'm sure the last para clashes with the previous five, not to forget the grammatical and syntatical errors I might have made.

P.P.S The writing on top of the signature means 'Happy New Year' in Greek.   

P.P.P.S: Did any of you notice the Santa cap on the VLC player icon....I looooooved it :D. 

Monkey business

It's been a month of losses. Started with the dignity, then the pricey I product, followed by respect from the loved one and now I realize I've lost a whole month doing absolutely nothing!!! Dec is my favorite time of the year, I just love the magic in the wind at this time. The Priyanka who would normally be extra hyper during this time has sort of gone into hibernation, self imposed sure, but why it was needed who the hell knows? The year has zipped by, almost everybody agrees with me on this, some are able to recount all the things they did in this year unfortunately for me, I'm not one of those. Starting next month I'm to start recounting all that happened to me from Jan 2011, I did have a decent year actually, half year to be precise, so it would be a shame if I can't pen it down some where. Am I excited about that...nah...excitement has disappeared from the essence of being me and I can't wait for all the plum cake, wine and roasted turkey to get it back into me. FINGERS CROSSED!!! 

Post June things have kinda been downtown for me and I've been desperate for a change of scene. It's difficult for a person who used to being in the thicket of things to not just be out of the periphery of the inner circle but to be so far out of it that one feels no connection whatsoever with anybody anymore. It's difficult to imagine people so I'll forgive you if you can't. I've not gone out to meet friends, no shopping either, haven't read any blogs either. I didn't even realize I had gotten into a 'I'm on a break'- phase. Having gotten the quality me time didn't really do any difference to the current mood; several thoughts spewed in my brain, but died there out of loneliness. I write this post only cause I had promised myself a few months ago that I would have at least 2 posts a month and won't let this space fade into oblivion. 

Mid way this I'm in the crappiest mood possible, but then again of late that's all I've been in...argh....I hate phoney people, I hate being sidelined and I most definitely hate my relatives!!! So whatever I had in mind has all gone for a toss, nothing original today at display junta, sorry if you came expecting any!!! 

Right so this year....I would curse it as well, but I'm afraid I used up all the curses quite recently so will just try and keep it succinct. There were highs: there was wonderful surprise party, some amazing weddings, the UK stay, acquainting some good blogger chummies (how do you spell this word? is it even a word?). There were pathetic lows biggest of them being me losing complete interest in my job. But nothing could be as ironic as this.... a lil pictorial help for you guys....go ahead stare away to glory and figure out what this is (if you hadn't already gotten in FWDs or on that stupid FB wall).....

Figured what this out...apparently it is this.....

hand la glass
glass la scotch
eyes-u full-aa tear-u
empty life-u
girl-u come-u
life reverse gear-u
lovvu lovvu
oh my lovvu
you showed me bouv-u
cow-u cow-u holi cow-u
i want u hear now-u
god i m dying now-u
she is happy how-u


this song for soup boys-u
we dont have choice-u

I can't believe some of us homo-sapiens are this jobless and this masochistic!!! By now you would have gotten the drift...I have issues with this song...big time issues...I hated it the first time I heard it, hated it every time after hate still burns fresh!!! Me not being on FB has been such a blessing in disguise, I can't thank my wise judgement enough for it. I didn't have to witness this horrible excuse of a song go viral all over!!! For a fortnight all I could hear was kolaveri jokes, not-so-imaginative lyrics being penned down to the tune of this song, ring tones blaring all over only increasing the kolaveri within me more and more....I can't believe that this thing with random English words strung together and a chai-walla ke dhukan ka "chotu" types actor mascaraing those words went on to be such a rage!!! Has our generation degenerated so much that we now no longer no the difference between music, noise and utter mindless trumpery designed to make the likes of Beethoven thank his stars that he is long dead. Is this what we are leaving behind as legacy for our spawns? No wonder 2012 was hailed as the year of doom!!! All right, I'm being a little harsh and a hypocrite here. So I danced bare feet to this song, at a Rastogi wedding at 1 in the morning in the biting cold of Delhi but then I also danced so some arbid haryanvi mumbo-jumbo which sounded horny-much...it was about dancing and I go berserk when I'm committing that act ;).... I guess writing so much about this horrific disaster which to date nobody has had the gall to call as art itself is a tribute to it but all of you 'pooded' beats to this song, please be aware that you have all added to your pots of sin in making this trash so called popular and bring on doom to the entire human kind.

After a fortnight of raging all over the net, radio, TV, offices, shaadis, mundans, suhag-raats et

Guess what the winning pick was: "WHY THIS 'COLA' VERI DI"...yes monkey...I know, I know you are probably proclaiming to all your monkey-kind that your distant relatives, the homos, have successfully managed to lower the bar so much because of these shenanigans, that now you guys can officially put in a claim for being the smarter species and win!!! Irony I said then right, "kolaveri" I was told means "murderous rage" and all of you loyal readers know that, that is exactly what I have been filled with for the past few months. If any of the makers of this song wanna know the answer of the question "Why this Kolaveri Di" I would strongly suggest them to subscribe to my blog and all the answers will unfold. In the meantime I have my own not so ingenious lyrics for this song which if I feel very very sadistic one day will publish wokays. 

And what is with all this flashing huh? I know we Indians are super good at mimicking, but when we don't know the basics why call is flash mob...call it flash PT or flash drill cause it sure looks like it. Did any of see the sham in Auckland? Disgrace takes a whole new meaning. While we are on this, have a look at this video, the little girl could teach some of us the basics of flashing a flash mob!!!

Right so I think I'm done blabbering, so I'll just clam up now. Oh wait I have one question to ask, when people say 'he/she had his/her fifteen mins of fame' ever wondered why is it only fifteen minutes of fame? I still see Veena Maliik, Pippa Middelton, the Kardashins getting more than that everyday yet the media calls it only fifteen minutes!!! Have a Merry Christmas people, I'm off for a Sunday brunch, DON2, yum Christmas cake and some wine tasting :D :D :D.

SANTE

 
 

P.S. Is it just me or have things around Blogsville slowed down so much that boredom has gotten a new synonym? Nothing intresteting to read or copy from dammit!!! I've been occupying myself watching 'Pretty Little Liars' and 'Gossip Girls'!!! Yeah I know...life is thaaat boring right now and the B'day is up in a week...what is up with the unniverse!!!

Post breakup trauma: Memories, handicaps, revealitions

Dec 6th, between 3-4 p.m. lived through yet another break up. One minute we were together, barely so, but still together, and the next before I could even make any sense of it we weren't an item anymore. We had been together for hardly 11 months during which time we had been through the highs and lows of a relationship. Whenever I threw a fit, he was the one who bore the brunt of my abuses. When I shed those salty brooks, he soaked it all up. Whenever I needed him the most he would choke up and disappear, only to appear when things have cooled down(that's why he is a he and not a she). But he always did always come back. We've has our fair share of problems and both of us had learn to adjust with each other and accept each other for whatever we are with all the flaws and warts. Until last month I even thought he was showing more patience and a greater sense of responsibility and happy I was that the relationship was maturing. But then one day last week he seemed desperate to move away, almost as if to get away from my clutches, and he did get away but hurt himself in the process. I embraced him immediately but the damage was already done. I hovered around him after that, taking extreme care of him. I also started to become extra cautious looking out for signs of desertion, I got no hint of what was going to befall me on the fateful day.

What happened next will forever remain etched in my memory as a painful incident. I lost him, my I phone 4, in the flight on my way back from Delhi. What hurts even more, I was so very cautious about everything that day(I'm the most absent minded person ever so this is a big big step for me OK).I triple checked everything yet destiny stuck her hand right in and took away my phone. I'm not bothered that it was an I phone that I lost, yes it cost a bomb to get it, but what I really really want are the photos in it. I never got a chance to copy them and all the photos and videos are now gone forever or may find their way into some shady site if I don't get the phone locked soon. Why I haven't done it yet, I'm one of those stupid souls who believes in the inherent goodness of people. In spite of repeated instances given to me by the almighty himself I still believe in it. So what if I already knew that this person will do whatever she wants, I still ask her to show some restraint; it doesn't happen, yet I continue to believe in her. So what if I already know how my relationship is going, I still hope and pray for a miracle to come cure it all. So what if I knew that there are no truly integral people left in this world, I pray that I could have met one at least this time.

The phone was in the flight all along the journey back to Delhi and I didn't heed the word of caution from the boy and kept calling my number in the hope that a good Samaritan my find it and hand it over to the air crew. Yes, yes I should fall down a 200 feet well and drown myself for thinking that way, but I do. I look at the world through my glasses, I expect the world to behave the way I do. I would have promptly tried to find the owner of the phone or any such lost things and have done, so what happens to the outcome of the statement 'do unto others as you want then to do unto you' Ghanta... anything good comes out of it. Only the bad/trash goes and comes around. Dear God, if you are anything like Barney, please accept the challenge and get me back my photos...I've thrown in the gauntlet be a man, come face the challenge..hmp hmp hmp!!!

My first. last and only photo with my I phone

Why I fussing over these photos so much? I had most of  trip photos in that darn I phone and I phone being  an I phone was giving so many issues while getting the photos out of the phone that I decided to wait until I get a new lappy to do so. I've had to close calls recently and i kept telling myself now is the time do it, do it but alas I didn't do it. All of my UK photos, some in them being my best photos ever, some being captured so beautifully, few others bringing back fond memories!!!

Of all the things in my life, I hold my memories dearest to me. It's one of the reasons why Alzheimer's disease scares the hell out of me. Imagine living trapped in a world where nothing, not a single thing is familiar to you. There have been times when I have fallen back on my memories with certain people to comfort me when I was low; I've gone over and over some painful ones to remind me that I've grown strong to be an independent person because of them; I've relived some moments of absolute bliss through few others memories; I've learnt to cry,smile my wry smile, sigh, hate, giggle, loathe these memories. I've built castles based on these and I've razed those castles when realities struck down.  Transporting me back to the wonderful times that have gone by, these memories have given me a kind of solace no person, near or far, has ever been able to.

I used to be able to boast of a photographic memory way back in school...I knew each para, each formula and the proofs, complex organic equations made prefect sense to me. I wasn't a mug pot, I was just a good photo copier!!! But as age progresses and gray cells start deteriorating by watching inane things like Ra.One  and Big Boss, I've started to rely more on photos and vidoes. It's not that I haven't lost photos before: my comp has crashed, external hard drive has been corrupted, memory stick broke...all this shiiit has happened to me, but these were special memories. I could always do the same photo shoot again and get the same DP kinda legs, but it will never ever be the same. 

I get hung up, that has to be my biggest handicap. It took me one year plus to get over an absolute arse of a boyfriend. It's very difficult for me to let go. So many people have been telling to let the past go. I've been listening to the good natured ones. Some have come down to threats too, but why I can't let go I don't know. I was watching HIMYM the other day and something in a particular episode suddenly made sense to me: CLOSURE. I can't move on until I get it and I need to get it my way only then it's closure else it's pure coercion. When I lost the phone I felt so lonely, all my contacts were gone, I wanted to call somebody, anybody and tell them that I lost my precious phone, to get some comfort, but I couldn't. There was a time when we didn't even know cell phones existed, life still went on, but today we depend on them so much, life comes to a stand still at the loss of this gadget!!! Yes I got a replacement phone immediately, but for those few hours that I had to depend on others were miserable for me.

Something that comes back to me strongly now is, I've changed a lot over this year. Initially I thought it was for the best, but now I'm not very sure. The one word people would associate me with was: impromptu. I lived life in the moment. Today I think things through so much, again and again, that by the time I actually get to doing things they seem meaningless. I've been meaning to ask the boy, what is that's troubling him so much that he is growing so very distant everyday, haven't done it yet. Finding the opportune moment, it didn't come even in Delhi. I've been meaning to get along with life, look for a new job, finish up the GMAT; haven't done it yet. My ass is sure expanding just by all the constant lazing around I'm doing!!! I've been meaning to give somebody one tight slap and say get the hell out of my life, let me live in peace; haven't done it yet. I'm hurting myself my staying in this quagmire, hurting myself real bad, emotionally, physically, mentally, but the inertia seems to be insurmountable!!! I also realized this week that I should follow my gut instincts. Something kept telling me go back and check, I did go back to my seat but didn't run a thorough check, If I did I wouldn't have to be buying the 4S soon!!!

Few other observations:

1) Never mock the I-phone, especially if you own one. You won't believe what I was discussing just before I got into that stupid flight! A post centred around this pic. 

They have in built super natural powers to sense the resentment and conspire to run away. I'm living, talking proof of it. At least take a back up of everything, secure your phone in several ways and give them your constant touch. They'll stay faithful and not elope away with the next bastard they meet!!! With me it's a different story, people hate some phones like some others, in my case all phones hate me. This one would be number 8 in the lost list, I've lost one of each make I think till now!!! Go ahead pity me.

2) If you tell people please don't laugh, I'm actually still in very very upset, they seem to completely go deaf/blind. They will mock you till you tear up. If you tell people please don't talk about it again, it's affecting me big time bury it here, they won't give two hoots about what you think. They want to talk about it they will. If you tell people don't judge me, they will do exactly that. If you tell people mind your own business, they will poke their stinky noses more fervently in your lives. What do you do then? Well if you find out let me know please. Till then I think I'll avoid such people. They are thrusting more and more into depression. 

3) You realize the value of something, how much it mattered in your life only when it goes away. I can always get a new phone, new photos maybe, but I can never replace those memories. We spend so much of our time doing things we know hurt us and other people yet we do it, one sick race we are yet we call ourselves progressive. It's the end of the year, time to reflect on where the hell 11 months went by and what did we achieve in this span. Soon we'll be making New year resolutions, only to break most of them the very next month, it's how we know yourselves to be. But can we not be different. For once let's make promises we'll keep, hug those who really need them now, help those whom we can spare time for and love like we've never know hate before!!!

Tener un tiempo maravilloso

Of guest posts and all that jazz....

So it turns out that I'm now part of the Who's Who of  blogsville. 2K odd views and 20 odd followers doesn't really match up to that claim now does it! But I've pinched myself several times to believe it; it's apparently true.

Proof 1: MSM aka the mysteriously beautiful Pradeeta, whose stories will make you wonder if she actually is a non -muggle,  wrote this about me:

Coloring Life Purple All the Way: Chinese Astrological Signs, I always found intriguing. And then I saw The Dragon, I couldn't contain my glee. To shield your heart from the scars and yet live like you were never hurt, takes the intensity of a Dragon indeed. Thoughts that are honest and straightforward, are not easy to pen down and yet you do it. To live admiring, thinking and cherishing what I have, is what I learnt from you, Priyanka. And all you Purple Lovers out there, do not, I say DO NOT miss her, she will make you smile, MSM promises. I chose the color Indigo Purple for you as you remind of the Mental Strength and Intuitiveness that the color evolves with. A Dreamer, A Thinker and living in the moment, like the flow of Indigo.

What I loved about this, apart from the obvious mention of me on her blog (:D :D :D )

a) the post was titled "And I found peace in you". So profound, so beautiful. b) Whatever she wrote here, was bang on. It's like she looked right into my soul and we've hardly known each for 2 months now!!! c) The colour she chose for me, apart from the fact that she knew I'd force her to change the colour if I didn't get this one, the attributes she gave me, is so very truly me :D.

Proof 2:  V, the vivacious blogger girlie, always so bubbly, always so nice, the  one who can literally post 10 times a day wrote this for me.

* Priyanka Shetty from colouring life purple all the way, the one's so not afraid to speak her mind out and full on showers abuses on the 'blessed people' who deserve them! :P.. a total dragon! :D

She titled this post 'Thank you' which I found really really adorable. Was miffed with her for only singling out the rants, but then she made me realize that I didn't start blogging again only to end up washing dirty laundry in public!!!

Proof 3: The so called current Gaad of humor, Kallu, dictated that I guest post for him. Yes he literally held the gun to my head!!! I wrote this for him

"It’s a brilliantly written Fibonacci Sonnet" said he :)                      

HE

HE came

HE came back

HE came back to me

HE came back to me like a mirage

HE came back to me like a mirage, transient and distant

HE came back to me like a mirage, transient and distant, wishing he had never left.

Wishing he had never left, transient and distant, like a mirage he came back to ME.

Transient and distant, like a mirage he came back to ME

Like a mirage he came back to ME

He came back to ME

Back to ME

To ME

ME

and he had this to tell about me...snippets only....won't paste the whole love story...(wanna read more please go over to his blog, I'm sure all of you already have, saala has become way too famous...hmph... hmph)

Dragon: (Not skinny anymore, she’s hot!): Priyanka Shetty (I call her Pinku now) is one person you must know. She is bold, courageous, independent and great fun. She has two sets of voices. One is her day voice, the typical RJ one. It makes you want to request her to play a song for you. And second is her night voice; the sexy-cum-cute angelic voice with a subtle south accent.

Please tell show me one blogger who knows Kalpak and isn't insanely jealous of him? 3 months into blogging, his followers count has gone up, up and up like  the petrol prices and doesn't promise to dwindle anytime soon. I'm not going to feed his ego and it say was an honour to write on his pauper wall, but it was good exposure indeed (my followers count increased by 2 I think cause of that guest post!!!). Narcissist to the core he maybe, but he truly appreciates the time we spend together and I love that about him :D.

Proof 4: Chints, my the most favourite blogger, the one who slices right through  to the heart of the matter, the one whose blogs give me the right dose of updates on current affairs and the kind of insight into the crux of the matter that I cherish the most. We hadn't spoken much of-late and I was beginning to wonder if I had managed to tick her off; but the I happened to read this on her post

PS: Does anyone have link of Priyanka Shetty's blog? I have miserably failed to find her link in my feeds :( and google didn't help either.

Do read the post before you proceed; towards the end of the post I was almost like 'man kardiya na satyanas tune pinku' then came the post script. Now Priyanka Shetty is a fairly common name and I thought she could ask me the link directly, she knows I read her blog, so this can't be me. But a part of me, a pretty dominant one, was like I'm mentioned on THE Blunt Blog, she actually wants to read the inane stuff I come up with!!! Several of my buddies got to hear this bit immediately, my excitement was that palpable and every single soul said...wow that's really nice.

After all this publicity (some came from the cranky Rahul also) one would think it would have made a whole lot of difference to my space....Nada...I'm still the slow and steady tortoise...in fact my followers count reduced by one...I'm embarrased to say this but I know not who it is; with 20 odd you wouldn't think that remembering people would be a problem, but that's me!!! I didn't start writing to gain followers, I didn't start blogging to garner publicity, I didn't ever expect comments to pour out on my posts like they do on Red's (one post , be it on anything, minimum 46 comments at least and you will hear the gal complain she isn't getting enough lowe if it isn't pipty plus!!!). But who doesn't enjoy the limelight, who doesn't love the appreciation. I told Rahul to stay disappointed if he wants and he being the nice guy that he is said he misses me on his blog. Made me smile, my grinch smile, when I read that :D.

I've been talking to quite a few blogizens in the past few months (Machi, V, Maith, Chints, PV, Kallu, Prithvi, Chan, Maith, Rahul, Arjit) and never realized how much of a difference this has done to me, and in a good way :D. Pradeeta you over rate me as always and I do hope to live up to those expectations; V if I don't see a comment from you on my posts I actually get worried!!! Kallu thanks for being my not so secret admirer and Chints, even though nobody out there actually gave you the link (Red aunty me katti with you for that, how many Priyanka Shetty's you know eh mole?) it was such an ego boost just when I sorely needed it...dil garden garden ho gaya ji :D :D :D

Now I'm not the kind of person who will just pick up any trend (I'll wait for the whole worl to catch on, then when it's almost dying I'll breathe life into it :P),  be it skinny jeans or guest blogging (every other blogger is either doing guest posts or is putting up guest posts: collective loss of  creative juices!!!), but in this case I really want to make an exception. I'll succumb to this trend, much before it goes stale. I've asked V to write a guest post for me. She was my very first follower (true there is some 'I bleed chocolate' person before her, but this person has shown no signs of being alive apart from keeping the follower count from going negative) and is to date one of the first people to comment on my posts. And she always does. I love the editing she does on her pics and the crazy random things she does/talks/shares always make such fun  fun reads. Plus this is my way of bribing her to be my wedding planner ;).   

 

P.S. Me off to Delhi this weekend (paparaprara). Will be back on Toosday only, please pray that I take the appropriate clothes and don't freeze my ass off!!! 

Nyaan mallu kutti

 

Her idea was to look pretty, maybe even hot, she succeeded and how !!! 

This was the attire she chose for her friend Reshmi's wedding in Kerala. The look was to be along the lines of that Sonam Kapoor wore in that 'Gal mitti mitti bol' song of Ayesha movie. She had fallen in love with that saree and would not rest in peace till she found something exactly similar to that. Yes she was a girly-girl in this aspect. She spent many a weekends looking for the perfect traditional mallu cream saree with an in built red patoo. Ignoramus that she was, she realized only much later, that nothing seen in the movies would be that straight forward to obtain. After visiting many shops, suffering several disappointments and enduring sore feet, she decided she would have to do the unthinkable: COMPROMISE!!! And she did. She settled for a non traditional, non mallu, non cream, white saree. She got the red patoo stitched from a local tailor and was quite pleased with the result. Then came the next garment, the quintessential blouse. The thing that make or break your look on THE day. Again she had to dil-pe-pathar rakh, re-think the whole design of her blouse. She settled on a gold blouse with red and black embroidery at the border. The gold material came easily, but the embroidery didn't. She had to traverse one end of the city to the other to find the prefect embroidery which passed the 'Priyanka-Scrutiny' test. The one that finally did was bought not in enough quantity, so said the annoying tailor fella, though she strongly suspects he ate some of it during one of his phased-out deliriums. The hunt had to start all over again, the original couldn't be reproduced and a whole new design was purchased. Time was running out and subtle pressure tactics had to be employed to coerce tailor uncle to show the famed sleight of hand when it was needed the most. 

 While trips were being put to tailor uncle's boutique every half an hour, she utilized her time well by looking for accessories. She never realized that loathing gold jewelery all her life would come back to bite her in the ass someday. And that day it did. She had to start fresh and could do no mix and match. But she was on a roll and didn't lose heart. She found beautiful and ornate gold cum pearl jumkas which she bought without a second thought. But search as she might she couldn't find any bangles that would either fit her not pass her 'Priyanka-Scrutiny' test. She thought she'd come back for it, but never managed too. The blouse somehow found it's way into her hands but till the day of departure to Kerala, this poor soul hadn't resolved her quest for those perfect bangles. At the 11th hour, Mother India's jewellery box was marauded and luckily she found the prefect pearl bangles which were paired with the jhumkas immediately. The rest all just fit in, a simple gold chain was found at the back of the closet, an old gold ring was whisked out but the younger sibling and the gold stilettos which were bought on pure whim found their hitherto unknown apt usage. Being Monica Geller's twin, she checked and cross checked everything: pins, clips, clutch, bindi, make up...blah blah but she forgot the under skirt!!! N-th hour, just before she was to board the bus to Kerala, she pestered a friend of hers to go shop for one and get it for her till the bus stand!!!(Bhagwan aise dost sabko de :D )

Several other challenges presented their ugly head between the 2 days that remained for the actual deck up day. No Mallu aunty was willing to help her out and it was her phirst time with a silak saree, she couldn't find those perfectly bloomed malli-poo (jasmine flowers) that wouldn't give her a headache, she couldn't iron out the saree and the god-awful creases remained!!! But what was per-destined couldn't be deterred!!! Somehow somebody found a parlor aunty for her who spoke nothing but the local lingo,  who was willing to help her at 8 a.m. in the morning. Sign language was employed at it's supreme best and the saree was draped beautifully. She still suspects that mallu aunty thought she was a married woman with 2 kids, while she was trying to say that she has only 20 minutes left before she can put on her jewellery and scoot!!! The malli-poo (jasmine braid) was sprayed with oodles of her perfume so that the actual smell could be masked. In flat 20 minutes, the Bangalore ki tom boy was in the mould of the mallu kutti of Gyad's own country :P.

When she landed at the marriage hall, she didn't expect what she got. For some reason, in her pea-sized brain she thought that being in mallu land the uber present mallu saree would be abundantly on display. Nope not a chance. She ended up being the only traditional mallu looking girl in that mallu wedding, everybody else looked like species ranging from Bihari mamis to Fashion Disasters with stupid multi coloured sarees and garish scary make up...burrrrrrrrrr. She remained the cynosure of all eyes, 10 year olds to the 90 year olds, till she left the place that day. People were getting her extra soft drinks and ice creams, she got extra of everything during lunch, people were dusting the seat for her to sit, people were making way for her as she sashayed walked, people would speak in their strange nasal language at lightning speed without masking who their object of curiosity was. Attention is gooooooooooooooooooood, but this was a massive overdose of it and she had to literally flee the place before she would get drunk and high on it.

All in all she achieved what she wanted, she looked pretty, she looked hot (after the malli-poo came off and the hair style changed), the effort she took for the entire ensemble wasn't in vain :) :) :).

This is post is part of the 10 day challenge which I shamelessly accepted to do in Oct but hadn't manage to start on till now. Traditionally this should start with '10 secrets' but when was I known to follow tradition ;) ? 

P.S. I'll write more about this trip when I consolidate the pics. The trip was made way back in Jan and yes I finally found time to even talk about it. The bride was the prettiest bride I have seen so far, her smile being her best adornment and the whole Kerala experience changed a lot of things in my life, for the better and the worse.

P.P.S: Thank you every body who commented on the previous post; I have read them, but I won't be replying to them cause I didn't want any comments on that post. Like I said it was just a rant, I needed to get out of my system.

P.P.P.S: Welcome, welcome, my new followers, especially Chints you are finally here :D...I was beginning  to worry.