Nyaan mallu kutti

 

Her idea was to look pretty, maybe even hot, she succeeded and how !!! 

This was the attire she chose for her friend Reshmi's wedding in Kerala. The look was to be along the lines of that Sonam Kapoor wore in that 'Gal mitti mitti bol' song of Ayesha movie. She had fallen in love with that saree and would not rest in peace till she found something exactly similar to that. Yes she was a girly-girl in this aspect. She spent many a weekends looking for the perfect traditional mallu cream saree with an in built red patoo. Ignoramus that she was, she realized only much later, that nothing seen in the movies would be that straight forward to obtain. After visiting many shops, suffering several disappointments and enduring sore feet, she decided she would have to do the unthinkable: COMPROMISE!!! And she did. She settled for a non traditional, non mallu, non cream, white saree. She got the red patoo stitched from a local tailor and was quite pleased with the result. Then came the next garment, the quintessential blouse. The thing that make or break your look on THE day. Again she had to dil-pe-pathar rakh, re-think the whole design of her blouse. She settled on a gold blouse with red and black embroidery at the border. The gold material came easily, but the embroidery didn't. She had to traverse one end of the city to the other to find the prefect embroidery which passed the 'Priyanka-Scrutiny' test. The one that finally did was bought not in enough quantity, so said the annoying tailor fella, though she strongly suspects he ate some of it during one of his phased-out deliriums. The hunt had to start all over again, the original couldn't be reproduced and a whole new design was purchased. Time was running out and subtle pressure tactics had to be employed to coerce tailor uncle to show the famed sleight of hand when it was needed the most. 

 While trips were being put to tailor uncle's boutique every half an hour, she utilized her time well by looking for accessories. She never realized that loathing gold jewelery all her life would come back to bite her in the ass someday. And that day it did. She had to start fresh and could do no mix and match. But she was on a roll and didn't lose heart. She found beautiful and ornate gold cum pearl jumkas which she bought without a second thought. But search as she might she couldn't find any bangles that would either fit her not pass her 'Priyanka-Scrutiny' test. She thought she'd come back for it, but never managed too. The blouse somehow found it's way into her hands but till the day of departure to Kerala, this poor soul hadn't resolved her quest for those perfect bangles. At the 11th hour, Mother India's jewellery box was marauded and luckily she found the prefect pearl bangles which were paired with the jhumkas immediately. The rest all just fit in, a simple gold chain was found at the back of the closet, an old gold ring was whisked out but the younger sibling and the gold stilettos which were bought on pure whim found their hitherto unknown apt usage. Being Monica Geller's twin, she checked and cross checked everything: pins, clips, clutch, bindi, make up...blah blah but she forgot the under skirt!!! N-th hour, just before she was to board the bus to Kerala, she pestered a friend of hers to go shop for one and get it for her till the bus stand!!!(Bhagwan aise dost sabko de :D )

Several other challenges presented their ugly head between the 2 days that remained for the actual deck up day. No Mallu aunty was willing to help her out and it was her phirst time with a silak saree, she couldn't find those perfectly bloomed malli-poo (jasmine flowers) that wouldn't give her a headache, she couldn't iron out the saree and the god-awful creases remained!!! But what was per-destined couldn't be deterred!!! Somehow somebody found a parlor aunty for her who spoke nothing but the local lingo,  who was willing to help her at 8 a.m. in the morning. Sign language was employed at it's supreme best and the saree was draped beautifully. She still suspects that mallu aunty thought she was a married woman with 2 kids, while she was trying to say that she has only 20 minutes left before she can put on her jewellery and scoot!!! The malli-poo (jasmine braid) was sprayed with oodles of her perfume so that the actual smell could be masked. In flat 20 minutes, the Bangalore ki tom boy was in the mould of the mallu kutti of Gyad's own country :P.

When she landed at the marriage hall, she didn't expect what she got. For some reason, in her pea-sized brain she thought that being in mallu land the uber present mallu saree would be abundantly on display. Nope not a chance. She ended up being the only traditional mallu looking girl in that mallu wedding, everybody else looked like species ranging from Bihari mamis to Fashion Disasters with stupid multi coloured sarees and garish scary make up...burrrrrrrrrr. She remained the cynosure of all eyes, 10 year olds to the 90 year olds, till she left the place that day. People were getting her extra soft drinks and ice creams, she got extra of everything during lunch, people were dusting the seat for her to sit, people were making way for her as she sashayed walked, people would speak in their strange nasal language at lightning speed without masking who their object of curiosity was. Attention is gooooooooooooooooooood, but this was a massive overdose of it and she had to literally flee the place before she would get drunk and high on it.

All in all she achieved what she wanted, she looked pretty, she looked hot (after the malli-poo came off and the hair style changed), the effort she took for the entire ensemble wasn't in vain :) :) :).

This is post is part of the 10 day challenge which I shamelessly accepted to do in Oct but hadn't manage to start on till now. Traditionally this should start with '10 secrets' but when was I known to follow tradition ;) ? 

P.S. I'll write more about this trip when I consolidate the pics. The trip was made way back in Jan and yes I finally found time to even talk about it. The bride was the prettiest bride I have seen so far, her smile being her best adornment and the whole Kerala experience changed a lot of things in my life, for the better and the worse.

P.P.S: Thank you every body who commented on the previous post; I have read them, but I won't be replying to them cause I didn't want any comments on that post. Like I said it was just a rant, I needed to get out of my system.

P.P.P.S: Welcome, welcome, my new followers, especially Chints you are finally here :D...I was beginning  to worry.

Chances of survival: 0.01%

DISCLAIMER: GREAT GRAND MOTHER OF  ALL RANTS BELOW, I'M NOT BEGGING YOU TO READ IT.

KUTTAY KI DUM. KAMINAY. BEHANCHOD. MAACHOD. BHAINS KE DUM. MAA KI ANKH. BHOSDIKE...SUAR KA BACHA...MADAR JAAT...BEHAN KA THAGA....SAALA HARAMI....THARQI....CHOOTIYEIN..GAANDU....LAUDE KA BAAL.......LAND KE CHILKE..NINAIYANNAKEYA.. HALEY BEVARSI.....LOOFAR....!!!

Have you ever held in pee for so long, almost about to burst,  the minute you find a decent enough loo(it HAS to be decent enough for me), or a wide enough tree/dirty looking compound wall in case of guys, and you go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.... immense and immediate relief right? NO... I don't  feel that way now. I'm quite a user of profanity on the road, I strictly forbid others from doing so though....but I digress...why this outburst? I've had it till here(imagine the here, do I have to spell out everything) with certain people!!! I want to lead a peaceful life, my fucking life, my fucking way, but they fucking won't let me and now I've had to take dire measures. Abuses don't really help anybody I've been told, but trust me I'd rather vent it out, than sit and keep allowing stupid things to fester in my pea-sized brain.

Objects of my wrath (Rahul, yes the dragon is back, she can just never hibernate...sigh)

Boy: You talk of cultured and civilized up bringing to me? You who call your girlfriend a bitch and sometimes your mother when you lose your cool are calling me uncivilized for raising my volume when I lose it? WOW....like just wow. If being in your civilized society means being a bitch then I'll gladly be called that, but next time think before you speak, your girl friend might not remain as faithful to you again, after all bitches don't stick with one partner do they?

          

Prick: You tell 'Why should things be taken so negatively'? Please try and show me the positives in and around me buddy, I'd be eternally grateful to you. You who are hardly around anymore to see things, whatever little you see you have this to say or you stay mum!!! You might have risen to a godly status but we mortals still remain in the throes of this negativity BOSS. If you can't take my life along with you by being around, please respectfully walk out of it before somebody gets seriously hurt.

 

Lecturer for the day: Did I fucking ask for your advice? Why then you do you shove it on my face? I was only sharing my day, did I in anyways indicate I being the abla naari that I am would need your guttar-mein-pade-char-aane-ka advice, in any which way? OK, so certain things might have worked for you, does it mean that they will for me as well? Am I the same as you, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, pscychotically? What sick fantasy are you satisfying when you choose to ignore my absolutely frustrated face when you open your stinking mouth?

Gaara-eyes: How fucking dare you talk about self-respect to me? Where the hell was you self respect when you were licking the asses of everybody around to get into their good books? Over night 'Chamy' became chummy and 'Piper' became savior? You, who knew what I was going through everyday with the team, have the audacity to tell the world that I am sleeping my way to raise up the ranks? Who the fuck is going to believe you, tell me? You who sent me mails appreciating my leadership skills and accepting the woes the I faced with imbeciles at work, you who couldn't do justice to any role you were given, you who were asked to leave(read 'kicked out') the team for not delivering anything apart from your vitriolic bitching sprees, are now talking about work etiquettes to ME? I still have those mails in my archive, so next time you say something think 1000 times. At least put up something which you truly believe in, get some self respect before you lie just for the heck of it. Why not try getting those rats to openly admit this on my face? No one will, you know that. All of you are a bunch of  low confidence-induced, mind-fucked spineless back biting gits(while we are on this topic, guess how your best friend introduced you to me "Oh she has had a very colorful history" ..But then this shouldn't come as any surprise to you right, even you've spoken crap about your so called friends.) 

Back off while you can cougar, the dragon has flared up, big time. The next time won't stop at abuses, you will end in the gutter where you supposedly saw me being picked up. My parents, gave me what I value the most in my life, my independent streak. Next time you talk about my friends/guy/family think of the level to which have stooped down too. Neither you nor your deluded diarrhea, will ever dent my spirit, try poking your voodoo dolls more if you want, I AM READY!!! 

 

     

Shaniyein:  Seriously what is your problem with me? Why are you fucking with my life so much huh? Did you like ask me out in the previous janam and I said 'Fuck you' instead of 'I love you' that you are now stalking me every-blaady-where? When was the last time you let anything good happen to me you dick-head? I hear my best friend is joining ISB and I can't be happy for him, all because of you asshole. A person who has hardly shown any interest in trainings others gets an award for mentoring people and me who has been training, mentoring people for the past 2 years gets a 250 buck Shopper's Stop Voucher? If something goes wrong you ensure my name is splashed around but if something good happens you fucking have temporary amnesia? I lust after the yum pastta at Aura and you ensure that the restaurant closes down, why cause you couldn't have candle light dinners with you? I make new friends everyday, but you will ensure that you go dance on their head so that they go away and leave me lonely. What kind of a sadist are you? I decide to wear white you'll threaten Vayu and ensure it rains huh saale? I swear on that stupid raven of yours if I ever meet you face-face...waat laga doongi teri mein...samjha na?

CAZZO

   

P.S. Yes I abuse a lot when I lose all my sensibilities.... If  I've affected anybody's mature sensibilities with all this profanity, who is asking you to get offended? Don't you have any other better thing to do in life other than to boil your blood at somebody else's rant? 

P.P.S: This title was originally meant for the review of Ra-one but Poopy rightly pointed out that even bad publicity is publicity so I dropped the idea not willing to promote more such mindless ventures by SRK...oh BTW I have knew found respect for Sallu Bhai... The only good thing that happened today is me catching up on Kallu mama's posts. Mile kuch pal to rahat ke!!!!

P.P.P.S: Pradeeta darling, I haven't forgotten your beautiful gesture, just don't want to malign the thought by including it here.   

EMOTIONS

           I was dejected: he never even noticed. Life went on for him as it did everyday, in the same rut. I who was once his whole life am now hinging in the periphery.

 I yearned to see him: he never even glanced towards me. Unfazed I waited for him to see the light and return where his love nested. He returned, like fleeting memories, leaving me holding on to thread bare hope.

               Many a hour I spent pondering over my fate: he seemed to have been the answers to all my prayers and today none of my prayers were being heard. We now speak in different languages, one the language of lost love, the other of lost dreams.

 I flare up at the injustice of it all: he flutters away like a zephyr. Being lonely sucks, but feeling lonely sucks more. I'm now torn between waiting for an apology or tendering one...the heart has always ruled the roost here...I give in.

 I become silly again: I know he'll come around. I put up my bestest smile and kick up my in-famous antics. I need to get back into his good books again for I need him more than he can ever imagine or I can ever admit.

I waited with bated breath for the prodigal lover to return: he came but in pieces. A part of him seemed distant,  almost wary of getting too close. I missed him so much, sometimes the pain would just engulf me without a warning and leave me gasping for his love. 

 I tried to seek out love else where: I found them at numerous places. None touched me the way he did. Nobody could make me feel the way he did. I longed for his magical touch, his warm embrace, his smell, his hands in mine. Everything seemed so gloomy, everything so bleak...it was like living in a nightmare, a long distance relationship!!!

 I pondered long and hard: some answers came back, some withheld. Maybe I could have been more giving, maybe a little less dragony. Not all was in my hands, but what if I still haven't given everything I can? If tears come either way, they might as wet his sleeves than stain my pretty face. 

 

I would say a silent prayer everyday: avert the cold war at any cost dear lord....there is only so much I could take. I could feel myself slipping into the abyss and wished he would come rescue me like he always did. He meant hope, he meant life, he was my universe, he was my everything. When did the definition of everything change? How did I let it change?

 

 Endless questions tormented me: I couldn't believe I was this weak. Life has come round a full circle for me, I question my beliefs and actions today. My empty head creates a cacophony that keeps me awake till the wee hours of the day, all spent in endless meandering of the vagabond insane mind.

 

I now look at the world with expectant eyes: hoping I could turn back time. Some wishes will remain only so, it's my decision and only forward I must go. The broken heart was mended once, the magic healer is still around. This time I'll hold him tight, this time I'll make the kiss last forever.

 When the mind was finally at peace, things flowed in and out with ease. I knew I didn't have to be anybody else but me. I couldn't run or hide. I'd just have to be myself once again, the rebellious girl who laughed a lot and whined not.

So here I am: with a promise to keep. I'll smile till the twinkle in my eyes light up the whole room. How then won't you see me, my love?  I'll be the bubbly me, how then will you stay away my love?

I'll remain miffed at you for not understanding me better, but today I understand me better. When I stomp away and you come stomping behind me with the same fervour, I feel like the I'm the most important person in this world. I'm never gonna give that up honey, never!!! 

I'll remain the jinjilu-vinjulu paapu I was; for losing you is not an option anymore. Love, is when I am with you baby, as long as it's with you, however it maybe.

                 

You better come around darling. We weren't meant to be away. You have no idea how much I miss 'US'. I need you with me if not always, I'll settle for almost always; coz when I pout it's only your kiss that counts.

I wanna walk with you over the mountains, I wanna dance with you in the rain....we'll do this and more while we globe trot for now kisses and hugs from me <3 <3 <3.

P.S : I'm going away for the weekend(I'm gonna go wave at the Sri Lankans and come back :P) so full senti- ajeeb-faltoo mood...forgive the randomness here people, just thought that pictures speak a 1000 words and these pictures were just so adorable, I couldn't resist. So long bloggees...talk to ya all on Toosday. Tata

UNA SVELTINA

OK...so I'm up at 1 a.m.....been working from 7:30 a.m.... I hate working from home...I ended up doing 2 times the work I'd do at office plus co-ordinating with the babies at office is so difficult and to top it all fucked my back sitting in the same damn position for 12 hours straight...I even skipped lunch today without realizing it :(...happens with me!!! So I'm not gonna say a lot, will put up some quick things and vanish.

First up...It's November already!!! The days seem to be skidding past way too fast right? I had so much to do this year: learn a musical instrument, learn horse riding, learn sign language, do some serious NGO work....haven't done half of new year resolutions...bad very bad!!! Still have 2 months, let's see what I can ukhadofy in the remaining 50 odd days.  The 4th book of the Eragon series is supposed to be out today, I've forgotten almost everything of the first 3...anybody having first 3 books, please giving. This Friday will be 11-11-11. Considered auspicious by some, bad day by few others. All I know is a date like this isn't coming for another 1000 years, by which time all of us would be cellular dust...well at least us mortals, but terrifying creatures like 'Kalpak and his thing' will continue to horrify our (great-great-great)^16 grand-children too. So on Friday, 11 minutes past 11 if you remember me, nothing is gonna come fall on your lap/bank-account/head but you might just make me hiccup all the way to the nearest pub ;)...so basically chutti :D :D :D...so yevrybady...rack the baady....set alarms and think about me at eggactly the same time. Don't let me down...warna jamaila bhurtha bana daloongi...hugs in advance for those who don't need me to threaten you...

Second up: I've got a new blogger name....tada: DIGS.(eh dinka chikka dinka chikka) I looooooooooooooooowe it :D...thank you Supernickkkkkkkkkkk. You can come join me on Friday, drinks on me...but of course I need the sketch of super-girl avatar OK? Bari kayalli bandre, chadu galu nimage :P!!!

Third up: Meow's finally here :D....bandu bitallu Aditi....she leaves marathon comments and is just so infectiously bubbly you can't help smiling at her, with her, on her, over her, under her..whatever er....Belcome to the Deeeragon's adda hudugi :D...this is for you, my fellow pussy lover ;)...

                     

                  

Fourth up: Guruji is sick...he has malaria :(...please pray for his speedy recovery...I ask this not cause I miss him much...I do miss him as I can humanly miss any other alien...but he is succccccccccccccch A drama queen I tell you......"now 104 degrees,,,abhi 94 hai...koi hot nurse nahi hai attend karne ko... hayye AIDS kyun nahi bola saale doctor ne....tumko mazak lag raha hai...yaha mein aakhri sasien gin raha hun aur Justin Beiber abhi tak dekne nahi aya...kya ghor kalyug hai yaar'....One Rakhi Sawant wasn't enough for us poor Earth dwellers, the aliens sent back their version of 'Mr Dhaki Sawant' to us!!! "Om jai jag deesh hare, Swami is virgin ko humse le lo pare"

Fibth up: I have many posts lined up, just hope my allergies and illness let up. Some titles being: 'Chances of survival:0.01% ', 'Raat ke Gyara Bhaje', 'They talk to me', 'Ugly side of love', 'Gannu', 'Oh woman you kill: Ala me' (I'm yet to read Red's version, sorry babe, will do it soon...) etc etc....so many thoughts have accumulated over the past few weeks :D...indiblogger also has their new contest 'If you had 2 hours extra in a day, what would you do with it'...I'd sleep I know so haven't yet bothered to pen something but I'd really like to take part in it too. Meanwhile, after a long time I've written something on D.O.V.

Sixth up: For those of you who return after reading that on D.O.V, happy thoughts people. Life's good now :D. For those of you smarty pants who didn't, it's OK. I forgive you. Now please please please watch this. Such a beautiful concept I tell you, what amazing choreography, dil-ko-touching karne walli earnesty in the awaaz.... I googled this guy after PV said so and I found this. I don't know what you take away, but those-Happy Dent-OMG-in your face- teeth just reminded me I need to go get clips SOON. All you Mellu mone's and mole's, yenjay....please don't translate for my benefit.

(This stupid plug in made me almost lose the entire post...I had to type out everything all over again...damn you Barney Stinson suited up- teeth guy!!!)

Seventh up: I actually have nothing more to say, but 7, apart from 1 and 3, is my lucky number so will blabber something......hmmm....did you know 'You are about 1 centimeter taller in the morning than in the evening!' and 'If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.' and 'There is a town in Pennsylvania named Intercourse.' and 'Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.' I didn't....I'm one of those who will believe anything she reads on the net!!!

OK done dana done..... Aiy pochi..... Khatam baat......mugdoyitu... fintio....ayindi....aandeh..... 

              Saynora

 

P.S: The title means 'a quickie' in Italiano. Yeah this loong is a quickie according to me....what will you do huh huh ? BTW...the views on my page stands at 1968, I'm soooooo tempted to keep refresshing my page till it reaches 1999 :P

P.P.S: The weird wiggly thing on top is actually how I sign off my letters, cards, writings etc. on paper.