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Friday, November 18, 2011

Chances of survival: 0.01%



DISCLAIMER: GREAT GRAND MOTHER OF  ALL RANTS BELOW, I'M NOT BEGGING YOU TO READ IT.


KUTTAY KI DUM. KAMINAY. BEHANCHOD. MAACHOD. BHAINS KE DUM. MAA KI ANKH. BHOSDIKE...SUAR KA BACHA...MADAR JAAT...BEHAN KA THAGA....SAALA HARAMI....THARQI....CHOOTIYEIN..GAANDU....LAUDE KA BAAL.......LAND KE CHILKE..NINAIYANNAKEYA.. HALEY BEVARSI.....LOOFAR....!!!


Have you ever held in pee for so long, almost about to burst,  the minute you find a decent enough loo(it HAS to be decent enough for me), or a wide enough tree/dirty looking compound wall in case of guys, and you go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.... immense and immediate relief right? NO... I don't  feel that way now. I'm quite a user of profanity on the road, I strictly forbid others from doing so though....but I digress...why this outburst? I've had it till here(imagine the here, do I have to spell out everything) with certain people!!! I want to lead a peaceful life, my fucking life, my fucking way, but they fucking won't let me and now I've had to take dire measures. Abuses don't really help anybody I've been told, but trust me I'd rather vent it out, than sit and keep allowing stupid things to fester in my pea-sized brain.

Objects of my wrath (Rahul, yes the dragon is back, she can just never hibernate...sigh)

Boy: You talk of cultured and civilized up bringing to me? You who call your girlfriend a bitch and sometimes your mother when you lose your cool are calling me uncivilized for raising my volume when I lose it? WOW....like just wow. If being in your civilized society means being a bitch then I'll gladly be called that, but next time think before you speak, your girl friend might not remain as faithful to you again, after all bitches don't stick with one partner do they?

          
Prick: You tell 'Why should things be taken so negatively'? Please try and show me the positives in and around me buddy, I'd be eternally grateful to you. You who are hardly around anymore to see things, whatever little you see you have this to say or you stay mum!!! You might have risen to a godly status but we mortals still remain in the throes of this negativity BOSS. If you can't take my life along with you by being around, please respectfully walk out of it before somebody gets seriously hurt.
 
Lecturer for the day: Did I fucking ask for your advice? Why then you do you shove it on my face? I was only sharing my day, did I in anyways indicate I being the abla naari that I am would need your guttar-mein-pade-char-aane-ka advice, in any which way? OK, so certain things might have worked for you, does it mean that they will for me as well? Am I the same as you, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, pscychotically? What sick fantasy are you satisfying when you choose to ignore my absolutely frustrated face when you open your stinking mouth?

Gaara-eyes: How fucking dare you talk about self-respect to me? Where the hell was you self respect when you were licking the asses of everybody around to get into their good books? Over night 'Chamy' became chummy and 'Piper' became savior? You, who knew what I was going through everyday with the team, have the audacity to tell the world that I am sleeping my way to raise up the ranks? Who the fuck is going to believe you, tell me? You who sent me mails appreciating my leadership skills and accepting the woes the I faced with imbeciles at work, you who couldn't do justice to any role you were given, you who were asked to leave(read 'kicked out') the team for not delivering anything apart from your vitriolic bitching sprees, are now talking about work etiquettes to ME? I still have those mails in my archive, so next time you say something think 1000 times. At least put up something which you truly believe in, get some self respect before you lie just for the heck of it. Why not try getting those rats to openly admit this on my face? No one will, you know that. All of you are a bunch of  low confidence-induced, mind-fucked spineless back biting gits(while we are on this topic, guess how your best friend introduced you to me "Oh she has had a very colorful history" ..But then this shouldn't come as any surprise to you right, even you've spoken crap about your so called friends.) 

Back off while you can cougar, the dragon has flared up, big time. The next time won't stop at abuses, you will end in the gutter where you supposedly saw me being picked up. My parents, gave me what I value the most in my life, my independent streak. Next time you talk about my friends/guy/family think of the level to which have stooped down too. Neither you nor your deluded diarrhea, will ever dent my spirit, try poking your voodoo dolls more if you want, I AM READY!!! 
     

Shaniyein:  Seriously what is your problem with me? Why are you fucking with my life so much huh? Did you like ask me out in the previous janam and I said 'Fuck you' instead of 'I love you' that you are now stalking me every-blaady-where? When was the last time you let anything good happen to me you dick-head? I hear my best friend is joining ISB and I can't be happy for him, all because of you asshole. A person who has hardly shown any interest in trainings others gets an award for mentoring people and me who has been training, mentoring people for the past 2 years gets a 250 buck Shopper's Stop Voucher? If something goes wrong you ensure my name is splashed around but if something good happens you fucking have temporary amnesia? I lust after the yum pastta at Aura and you ensure that the restaurant closes down, why cause you couldn't have candle light dinners with you? I make new friends everyday, but you will ensure that you go dance on their head so that they go away and leave me lonely. What kind of a sadist are you? I decide to wear white you'll threaten Vayu and ensure it rains huh saale? I swear on that stupid raven of yours if I ever meet you face-face...waat laga doongi teri mein...samjha na?




CAZZO



P.S. Yes I abuse a lot when I lose all my sensibilities.... If  I've affected anybody's mature sensibilities with all this profanity, who is asking you to get offended? Don't you have any other better thing to do in life other than to boil your blood at somebody else's rant? 

P.P.S: This title was originally meant for the review of Ra-one but Poopy rightly pointed out that even bad publicity is publicity so I dropped the idea not willing to promote more such mindless ventures by SRK...oh BTW I have knew found respect for Sallu Bhai... The only good thing that happened today is me catching up on Kallu mama's posts. Mile kuch pal to rahat ke!!!!

P.P.P.S: Pradeeta darling, I haven't forgotten your beautiful gesture, just don't want to malign the thought by including it here.   

9 COMMENTS:

meoww said...

bringgggggggggggggggggggg ittttttttttttttttt
onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..

add few more..
pishachii..
and and...err....ashhte bidu..

DIGS..Haley Bevarsi was so cool maan..!!!
reminded me of pan eating ajji in uru..:D:D:D

saak amma..now swalpa breathe..!!

very nicely you have abused out here..
and some of the swear words have interesting connotations..!!

bwahahahahaha...what ka baal..??!!!
aiyooo...gahahahahahaha

work place is filled with so many samples like that no..
chae..worthless morons..

good that you vented it out..
and yuss you should abuse when you pissed..
i do too..
and now thanks to you...
my vocabulary has suddenly got more variety..!!!!!

unwanted people will come and give some fuck all lecture on some fuck all topic
and then look at us with expectations dripping from their tongue ; that we will fall on their feet with golden realisation that
"ohhh..aankhein kholdi and blaaa"
ya right..
ghanta..grrrrrrrrrr

now that you have vomited all the frustration out..
go grab a rasgulla...
*droooooooolinggg* ok now i need one..!!
hehehe..
tc darling..you know you are a queen..
so...let those mere mortals live in ignorance..:):) ^_^

cheers !!!

meoww said...

oops..sorry..i read the label now..
*gulps*
don keel me..pljjjjjj
and still louuu meee
^_^

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Dragon: I love this spirit of yours. :D :D

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@meoww: Hehe :D

kalpak n. said...

ur so brave pinku...sooo brave
and this is exactly what dragons do u kno
wen someone messes with a dragon
wen someone irks them to the core
this is precisely what the dragon does
the dragon....blogs!!!
:D

ok jokes apart, wen u told me long back of all the post ideas in ur head...this abuse one was what i was waiting for the most.

(correction...its not BEHANCHOD...its BHENCHOD...there's a flow to it...and delhi accent adds very nicely to the word :) )

and stop callin me poopy...atleast on ur blog
its catching up saala
and new people might think i have problems with controlin my poop

and wat u wrote bout my posts...awwwwwww :)
thanks buddy :)

and must say, really reeeeeaaaalllllyyyyyyy fun read. i jus hope all the people refered to here read it somehow :)

kalpak n. said...

i jus thot of something
that pic...its not pms. its u.

actually guys should tell that to girls when they behave cranky and give excuse that they're PMSin.

i think thats the true, hidden meaning of the message :)

Spaceman Spiff said...

Shanthi, Pinx, shanthi.. Take a deeeeeeeeep breath. Ok now you can start abusing again. :P I normally can't stand abuses, but it seems like the people you've abused deserve all this and more. So abuse away darling!

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

Okayyy I had fun reading this. 'Coz even I was extremelyyyyyy pissed and luckily I opened ur blog at the right time. I think I vented it all out along with you thanks to your post. Phew!

Keirthana said...

Hey Dragon,

Have been following your blog for a while, just got the time to read almost all the posts and comment (I have a silly habit of reading the whole blog, when I find a new one, before commenting for the first time. It helps me know more about the writer) One awesome blog you have here! And purple, I love it :)

And venting out is good! Had absolute fun reading this post. I feel that your writing is daring and bold. Straight in the face. I love that about you :) Keep going :)

P.S: The previous post about babies had me go all awwwww.. Was staring at those pics for quite a while :)

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