Saturday, December 31, 2011

2012: The year of the DRAGON

                       Shuru hua jo saal, tha tab aknho mein sapne aur man mein tha vishwas
                 Shadiyon ka mausam tha, naye safar ka agaman,
         Dil phudkta bhi tha, machlta bhi tha, 
Fiza tho rangeen thi, sapne bhi beshumaar the,
                 Ek anokhe bandhan ki shurath hui, umeed se umang bandh gaya,
              Do maheeno ka wo pyaar rahega us khuda pe udhaar.
Asha ki nayya jispe thi mein savar, le chala mujhe wo saath samandar paar. 
Raste mein aye kuch adchan par saathi na sang diya bara bar,
Thi mein azad apni duniya mein, pankh jaise nikal ho waise, 
Dil tha halka, ane wala kal tha niraala,
Thand ne kiya tha mujhe behaal par kam na hua josh,
Do maheeno ka wo daav rahega us khuda pe udhaar.

Anjaan duniya mein mile kuch jaane pehchane dost,
Akele rehne ka bhi tha kuch alag hi maza,
Suraj ko taak thi mein dair raath tak, rut ta tha jab wo mujse, karti mein minnat,
Goomi mein har kahi, jaam piya har koi, afsoos kiya na kuch bhi,
Wapas ana pad jab, dil ke ek kone mein basaya har saugaad,
Do maheeno ka wo uphaar rahega us khuda pe udhaar.


Alag duniya thi maine dekhi, alag logo se thi mein mili, 
Wapas jo ayi, na samjhi mein, ke apne paraye hogaye the ya mein parayi ho chali thi,
 Mann bechain rehta tha, na jaane kya chata tha, 
Pareshaniyon se phir hua aisa milan, bhawarn mein phasi tho dosto se bhi hui ghutan,
Laut ne ka rasta talash ne nikhli mein, apna kehnoko tho yaha pe kuch bhi na raha,
Do maheeno ki wo tadap rahega us khuda pe udhaar. 

Khudh pe jo rehta tha itna vishwaas, aaj andhero se hun karti mein samna,
Chah rahi na kisi cheez ki, umeed ka daman maine kardiya tyaag,
Har kisise se ho gayi mujhe nafrat, rango se bhi ho gaya parheez,
Kuch logo pe kiya maine waqt barbaad, kuch logo se saha maine backwaas,
Naye dost banaye, naye rishte jataye, dil na behela, aansoon na ruke,
Do maheeno ki wo niraasha rahega us khuda pe udhaar.

Dilon me tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Nazar me khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Hwa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehno sekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna sekho
Hr ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Hr ek pal ek nya sama dekhe nigahein
Jo apni ankhon mein hairanian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betabian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum

2011 has been a mixed year for me. Some aspirations came true, some dreams shattered. I saw love fail me and I saw me failing love. Met some amhazing people, made some new friends and travelled around quite a bit. All in all I collected several memories. I'm thankful for the things that have happened to me this year. Hopefully I've learnt something from all of it and embrace the new year as an old friend and not a scorned memory. I sit today, having planned out nothing for tomorrow, which apart from the New Year, also happens to be my B'day so I feel I've hit rock bottom. I can't let the New Year ride in this way and I can only wish for a miracle to make this dismal mood go away. 2012 is told to be the year of the dragon in the Chinese calendar, I'm not even one-quarter Chinese but three quarters a dragon and she needs to get back to be herself again. 2012 better be a good year, IT HAS TO, there is no other way it can be. I look forward to the new year a lot is going to change both professionally and personally.

      May the new year ring in happiness, love and peace to all of us.

 ευτυχισμένο το νέο έτος

P.S. I couldn't continue with my own wordings for November and December, it's just too raw and painful so leaned on Javed Sahab's lyrics to guide me through them. I'm sure the last para clashes with the previous five, not to forget the grammatical and syntatical errors I might have made.

P.P.S The writing on top of the signature means 'Happy New Year' in Greek.   

P.P.P.S: Did any of you notice the Santa cap on the VLC player icon....I looooooved it :D. 

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Monkey business

It's been a month of losses. Started with the dignity, then the pricey I product, followed by respect from the loved one and now I realize I've lost a whole month doing absolutely nothing!!! Dec is my favorite time of the year, I just love the magic in the wind at this time. The Priyanka who would normally be extra hyper during this time has sort of gone into hibernation, self imposed sure, but why it was needed who the hell knows? The year has zipped by, almost everybody agrees with me on this, some are able to recount all the things they did in this year unfortunately for me, I'm not one of those. Starting next month I'm to start recounting all that happened to me from Jan 2011, I did have a decent year actually, half year to be precise, so it would be a shame if I can't pen it down some where. Am I excited about that...nah...excitement has disappeared from the essence of being me and I can't wait for all the plum cake, wine and roasted turkey to get it back into me. FINGERS CROSSED!!! 

Post June things have kinda been downtown for me and I've been desperate for a change of scene. It's difficult for a person who used to being in the thicket of things to not just be out of the periphery of the inner circle but to be so far out of it that one feels no connection whatsoever with anybody anymore. It's difficult to imagine people so I'll forgive you if you can't. I've not gone out to meet friends, no shopping either, haven't read any blogs either. I didn't even realize I had gotten into a 'I'm on a break'- phase. Having gotten the quality me time didn't really do any difference to the current mood; several thoughts spewed in my brain, but died there out of loneliness. I write this post only cause I had promised myself a few months ago that I would have at least 2 posts a month and won't let this space fade into oblivion. 

Mid way this I'm in the crappiest mood possible, but then again of late that's all I've been in...argh....I hate phoney people, I hate being sidelined and I most definitely hate my relatives!!! So whatever I had in mind has all gone for a toss, nothing original today at display junta, sorry if you came expecting any!!! 

Right so this year....I would curse it as well, but I'm afraid I used up all the curses quite recently so will just try and keep it succinct. There were highs: there was wonderful surprise party, some amazing weddings, the UK stay, acquainting some good blogger chummies (how do you spell this word? is it even a word?). There were pathetic lows biggest of them being me losing complete interest in my job. But nothing could be as ironic as this.... a lil pictorial help for you guys....go ahead stare away to glory and figure out what this is (if you hadn't already gotten in FWDs or on that stupid FB wall).....

Figured what this out...apparently it is this.....

hand la glass
glass la scotch
eyes-u full-aa tear-u
empty life-u
girl-u come-u
life reverse gear-u
lovvu lovvu
oh my lovvu
you showed me bouv-u
cow-u cow-u holi cow-u
i want u hear now-u
god i m dying now-u
she is happy how-u

this song for soup boys-u
we dont have choice-u

I can't believe some of us homo-sapiens are this jobless and this masochistic!!! By now you would have gotten the drift...I have issues with this song...big time issues...I hated it the first time I heard it, hated it every time after hate still burns fresh!!! Me not being on FB has been such a blessing in disguise, I can't thank my wise judgement enough for it. I didn't have to witness this horrible excuse of a song go viral all over!!! For a fortnight all I could hear was kolaveri jokes, not-so-imaginative lyrics being penned down to the tune of this song, ring tones blaring all over only increasing the kolaveri within me more and more....I can't believe that this thing with random English words strung together and a chai-walla ke dhukan ka "chotu" types actor mascaraing those words went on to be such a rage!!! Has our generation degenerated so much that we now no longer no the difference between music, noise and utter mindless trumpery designed to make the likes of Beethoven thank his stars that he is long dead. Is this what we are leaving behind as legacy for our spawns? No wonder 2012 was hailed as the year of doom!!! All right, I'm being a little harsh and a hypocrite here. So I danced bare feet to this song, at a Rastogi wedding at 1 in the morning in the biting cold of Delhi but then I also danced so some arbid haryanvi mumbo-jumbo which sounded was about dancing and I go berserk when I'm committing that act ;).... I guess writing so much about this horrific disaster which to date nobody has had the gall to call as art itself is a tribute to it but all of you 'pooded' beats to this song, please be aware that you have all added to your pots of sin in making this trash so called popular and bring on doom to the entire human kind.

After a fortnight of raging all over the net, radio, TV, offices, shaadis, mundans, suhag-raats et

Guess what the winning pick was: "WHY THIS 'COLA' VERI DI"...yes monkey...I know, I know you are probably proclaiming to all your monkey-kind that your distant relatives, the homos, have successfully managed to lower the bar so much because of these shenanigans, that now you guys can officially put in a claim for being the smarter species and win!!! Irony I said then right, "kolaveri" I was told means "murderous rage" and all of you loyal readers know that, that is exactly what I have been filled with for the past few months. If any of the makers of this song wanna know the answer of the question "Why this Kolaveri Di" I would strongly suggest them to subscribe to my blog and all the answers will unfold. In the meantime I have my own not so ingenious lyrics for this song which if I feel very very sadistic one day will publish wokays. 

And what is with all this flashing huh? I know we Indians are super good at mimicking, but when we don't know the basics why call is flash it flash PT or flash drill cause it sure looks like it. Did any of see the sham in Auckland? Disgrace takes a whole new meaning. While we are on this, have a look at this video, the little girl could teach some of us the basics of flashing a flash mob!!!

Right so I think I'm done blabbering, so I'll just clam up now. Oh wait I have one question to ask, when people say 'he/she had his/her fifteen mins of fame' ever wondered why is it only fifteen minutes of fame? I still see Veena Maliik, Pippa Middelton, the Kardashins getting more than that everyday yet the media calls it only fifteen minutes!!! Have a Merry Christmas people, I'm off for a Sunday brunch, DON2, yum Christmas cake and some wine tasting :D :D :D.


P.S. Is it just me or have things around Blogsville slowed down so much that boredom has gotten a new synonym? Nothing intresteting to read or copy from dammit!!! I've been occupying myself watching 'Pretty Little Liars' and 'Gossip Girls'!!! Yeah I is thaaat boring right now and the B'day is up in a week...what is up with the unniverse!!!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Post breakup trauma: Memories, handicaps, revealitions

Dec 6th, between 3-4 p.m. lived through yet another break up. One minute we were together, barely so, but still together, and the next before I could even make any sense of it we weren't an item anymore. We had been together for hardly 11 months during which time we had been through the highs and lows of a relationship. Whenever I threw a fit, he was the one who bore the brunt of my abuses. When I shed those salty brooks, he soaked it all up. Whenever I needed him the most he would choke up and disappear, only to appear when things have cooled down(that's why he is a he and not a she). But he always did always come back. We've has our fair share of problems and both of us had learn to adjust with each other and accept each other for whatever we are with all the flaws and warts. Until last month I even thought he was showing more patience and a greater sense of responsibility and happy I was that the relationship was maturing. But then one day last week he seemed desperate to move away, almost as if to get away from my clutches, and he did get away but hurt himself in the process. I embraced him immediately but the damage was already done. I hovered around him after that, taking extreme care of him. I also started to become extra cautious looking out for signs of desertion, I got no hint of what was going to befall me on the fateful day.

What happened next will forever remain etched in my memory as a painful incident. I lost him, my I phone 4, in the flight on my way back from Delhi. What hurts even more, I was so very cautious about everything that day(I'm the most absent minded person ever so this is a big big step for me OK).I triple checked everything yet destiny stuck her hand right in and took away my phone. I'm not bothered that it was an I phone that I lost, yes it cost a bomb to get it, but what I really really want are the photos in it. I never got a chance to copy them and all the photos and videos are now gone forever or may find their way into some shady site if I don't get the phone locked soon. Why I haven't done it yet, I'm one of those stupid souls who believes in the inherent goodness of people. In spite of repeated instances given to me by the almighty himself I still believe in it. So what if I already knew that this person will do whatever she wants, I still ask her to show some restraint; it doesn't happen, yet I continue to believe in her. So what if I already know how my relationship is going, I still hope and pray for a miracle to come cure it all. So what if I knew that there are no truly integral people left in this world, I pray that I could have met one at least this time.

The phone was in the flight all along the journey back to Delhi and I didn't heed the word of caution from the boy and kept calling my number in the hope that a good Samaritan my find it and hand it over to the air crew. Yes, yes I should fall down a 200 feet well and drown myself for thinking that way, but I do. I look at the world through my glasses, I expect the world to behave the way I do. I would have promptly tried to find the owner of the phone or any such lost things and have done, so what happens to the outcome of the statement 'do unto others as you want then to do unto you' Ghanta... anything good comes out of it. Only the bad/trash goes and comes around. Dear God, if you are anything like Barney, please accept the challenge and get me back my photos...I've thrown in the gauntlet be a man, come face the challenge..hmp hmp hmp!!!
My first. last and only photo with my I phone

Why I fussing over these photos so much? I had most of  trip photos in that darn I phone and I phone being  an I phone was giving so many issues while getting the photos out of the phone that I decided to wait until I get a new lappy to do so. I've had to close calls recently and i kept telling myself now is the time do it, do it but alas I didn't do it. All of my UK photos, some in them being my best photos ever, some being captured so beautifully, few others bringing back fond memories!!!

Of all the things in my life, I hold my memories dearest to me. It's one of the reasons why Alzheimer's disease scares the hell out of me. Imagine living trapped in a world where nothing, not a single thing is familiar to you. There have been times when I have fallen back on my memories with certain people to comfort me when I was low; I've gone over and over some painful ones to remind me that I've grown strong to be an independent person because of them; I've relived some moments of absolute bliss through few others memories; I've learnt to cry,smile my wry smile, sigh, hate, giggle, loathe these memories. I've built castles based on these and I've razed those castles when realities struck down.  Transporting me back to the wonderful times that have gone by, these memories have given me a kind of solace no person, near or far, has ever been able to.

I used to be able to boast of a photographic memory way back in school...I knew each para, each formula and the proofs, complex organic equations made prefect sense to me. I wasn't a mug pot, I was just a good photo copier!!! But as age progresses and gray cells start deteriorating by watching inane things like Ra.One  and Big Boss, I've started to rely more on photos and vidoes. It's not that I haven't lost photos before: my comp has crashed, external hard drive has been corrupted, memory stick broke...all this shiiit has happened to me, but these were special memories. I could always do the same photo shoot again and get the same DP kinda legs, but it will never ever be the same. 

I get hung up, that has to be my biggest handicap. It took me one year plus to get over an absolute arse of a boyfriend. It's very difficult for me to let go. So many people have been telling to let the past go. I've been listening to the good natured ones. Some have come down to threats too, but why I can't let go I don't know. I was watching HIMYM the other day and something in a particular episode suddenly made sense to me: CLOSURE. I can't move on until I get it and I need to get it my way only then it's closure else it's pure coercion. When I lost the phone I felt so lonely, all my contacts were gone, I wanted to call somebody, anybody and tell them that I lost my precious phone, to get some comfort, but I couldn't. There was a time when we didn't even know cell phones existed, life still went on, but today we depend on them so much, life comes to a stand still at the loss of this gadget!!! Yes I got a replacement phone immediately, but for those few hours that I had to depend on others were miserable for me.

Something that comes back to me strongly now is, I've changed a lot over this year. Initially I thought it was for the best, but now I'm not very sure. The one word people would associate me with was: impromptu. I lived life in the moment. Today I think things through so much, again and again, that by the time I actually get to doing things they seem meaningless. I've been meaning to ask the boy, what is that's troubling him so much that he is growing so very distant everyday, haven't done it yet. Finding the opportune moment, it didn't come even in Delhi. I've been meaning to get along with life, look for a new job, finish up the GMAT; haven't done it yet. My ass is sure expanding just by all the constant lazing around I'm doing!!! I've been meaning to give somebody one tight slap and say get the hell out of my life, let me live in peace; haven't done it yet. I'm hurting myself my staying in this quagmire, hurting myself real bad, emotionally, physically, mentally, but the inertia seems to be insurmountable!!! I also realized this week that I should follow my gut instincts. Something kept telling me go back and check, I did go back to my seat but didn't run a thorough check, If I did I wouldn't have to be buying the 4S soon!!!
Few other observations:
1) Never mock the I-phone, especially if you own one. You won't believe what I was discussing just before I got into that stupid flight! A post centred around this pic. 

They have in built super natural powers to sense the resentment and conspire to run away. I'm living, talking proof of it. At least take a back up of everything, secure your phone in several ways and give them your constant touch. They'll stay faithful and not elope away with the next bastard they meet!!! With me it's a different story, people hate some phones like some others, in my case all phones hate me. This one would be number 8 in the lost list, I've lost one of each make I think till now!!! Go ahead pity me.

2) If you tell people please don't laugh, I'm actually still in very very upset, they seem to completely go deaf/blind. They will mock you till you tear up. If you tell people please don't talk about it again, it's affecting me big time bury it here, they won't give two hoots about what you think. They want to talk about it they will. If you tell people don't judge me, they will do exactly that. If you tell people mind your own business, they will poke their stinky noses more fervently in your lives. What do you do then? Well if you find out let me know please. Till then I think I'll avoid such people. They are thrusting more and more into depression. 

3) You realize the value of something, how much it mattered in your life only when it goes away. I can always get a new phone, new photos maybe, but I can never replace those memories. We spend so much of our time doing things we know hurt us and other people yet we do it, one sick race we are yet we call ourselves progressive. It's the end of the year, time to reflect on where the hell 11 months went by and what did we achieve in this span. Soon we'll be making New year resolutions, only to break most of them the very next month, it's how we know yourselves to be. But can we not be different. For once let's make promises we'll keep, hug those who really need them now, help those whom we can spare time for and love like we've never know hate before!!!

Tener un tiempo maravilloso

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Of guest posts and all that jazz....

So it turns out that I'm now part of the Who's Who of  blogsville. 2K odd views and 20 odd followers doesn't really match up to that claim now does it! But I've pinched myself several times to believe it; it's apparently true.

Proof 1: MSM aka the mysteriously beautiful Pradeeta, whose stories will make you wonder if she actually is a non -muggle,  wrote this about me:

Coloring Life Purple All the WayChinese Astrological Signs, I always found intriguing. And then I saw The Dragon, I couldn't contain my glee. To shield your heart from the scars and yet live like you were never hurt, takes the intensity of a Dragon indeed. Thoughts that are honest and straightforward, are not easy to pen down and yet you do it. To live admiring, thinking and cherishing what I have, is what I learnt from you, Priyanka. And all you Purple Lovers out there, do not, I say DO NOT miss her, she will make you smile, MSM promises. I chose the color Indigo Purple for you as you remind of the Mental Strength and Intuitiveness that the color evolves with. A Dreamer, A Thinker and living in the moment, like the flow of Indigo.

What I loved about this, apart from the obvious mention of me on her blog (:D :D :D )
a) the post was titled "And I found peace in you". So profound, so beautiful. b) Whatever she wrote here, was bang on. It's like she looked right into my soul and we've hardly known each for 2 months now!!! c) The colour she chose for me, apart from the fact that she knew I'd force her to change the colour if I didn't get this one, the attributes she gave me, is so very truly me :D.

Proof 2:  V, the vivacious blogger girlie, always so bubbly, always so nice, the  one who can literally post 10 times a day wrote this for me.

* Priyanka Shetty from colouring life purple all the way, the one's so not afraid to speak her mind out and full on showers abuses on the 'blessed people' who deserve them! :P.. a total dragon! :D

She titled this post 'Thank you' which I found really really adorable. Was miffed with her for only singling out the rants, but then she made me realize that I didn't start blogging again only to end up washing dirty laundry in public!!!

Proof 3: The so called current Gaad of humor, Kallu, dictated that I guest post for him. Yes he literally held the gun to my head!!! I wrote this for him

"It’s a brilliantly written Fibonacci Sonnet" said he :)                      

HE came
HE came back
HE came back to me
HE came back to me like a mirage
HE came back to me like a mirage, transient and distant
HE came back to me like a mirage, transient and distant, wishing he had never left.

Wishing he had never left, transient and distant, like a mirage he came back to ME.
Transient and distant, like a mirage he came back to ME
Like a mirage he came back to ME
He came back to ME
Back to ME

and he had this to tell about me...snippets only....won't paste the whole love story...(wanna read more please go over to his blog, I'm sure all of you already have, saala has become way too famous...hmph... hmph)

Dragon: (Not skinny anymore, she’s hot!): Priyanka Shetty (I call her Pinku now) is one person you must know. She is bold, courageous, independent and great fun. She has two sets of voices. One is her day voice, the typical RJ one. It makes you want to request her to play a song for you. And second is her night voice; the sexy-cum-cute angelic voice with a subtle south accent.

Please tell show me one blogger who knows Kalpak and isn't insanely jealous of him? 3 months into blogging, his followers count has gone up, up and up like  the petrol prices and doesn't promise to dwindle anytime soon. I'm not going to feed his ego and it say was an honour to write on his pauper wall, but it was good exposure indeed (my followers count increased by 2 I think cause of that guest post!!!). Narcissist to the core he maybe, but he truly appreciates the time we spend together and I love that about him :D.

Proof 4: Chints, my the most favourite blogger, the one who slices right through  to the heart of the matter, the one whose blogs give me the right dose of updates on current affairs and the kind of insight into the crux of the matter that I cherish the most. We hadn't spoken much of-late and I was beginning to wonder if I had managed to tick her off; but the I happened to read this on her post

PS: Does anyone have link of Priyanka Shetty's blog? I have miserably failed to find her link in my feeds :( and google didn't help either.

Do read the post before you proceed; towards the end of the post I was almost like 'man kardiya na satyanas tune pinku' then came the post script. Now Priyanka Shetty is a fairly common name and I thought she could ask me the link directly, she knows I read her blog, so this can't be me. But a part of me, a pretty dominant one, was like I'm mentioned on THE Blunt Blog, she actually wants to read the inane stuff I come up with!!! Several of my buddies got to hear this bit immediately, my excitement was that palpable and every single soul that's really nice.

After all this publicity (some came from the cranky Rahul also) one would think it would have made a whole lot of difference to my space....Nada...I'm still the slow and steady fact my followers count reduced by one...I'm embarrased to say this but I know not who it is; with 20 odd you wouldn't think that remembering people would be a problem, but that's me!!! I didn't start writing to gain followers, I didn't start blogging to garner publicity, I didn't ever expect comments to pour out on my posts like they do on Red's (one post , be it on anything, minimum 46 comments at least and you will hear the gal complain she isn't getting enough lowe if it isn't pipty plus!!!). But who doesn't enjoy the limelight, who doesn't love the appreciation. I told Rahul to stay disappointed if he wants and he being the nice guy that he is said he misses me on his blog. Made me smile, my grinch smile, when I read that :D.

I've been talking to quite a few blogizens in the past few months (Machi, V, Maith, Chints, PV, Kallu, Prithvi, Chan, Maith, Rahul, Arjit) and never realized how much of a difference this has done to me, and in a good way :D. Pradeeta you over rate me as always and I do hope to live up to those expectations; V if I don't see a comment from you on my posts I actually get worried!!! Kallu thanks for being my not so secret admirer and Chints, even though nobody out there actually gave you the link (Red aunty me katti with you for that, how many Priyanka Shetty's you know eh mole?) it was such an ego boost just when I sorely needed it...dil garden garden ho gaya ji :D :D :D

Now I'm not the kind of person who will just pick up any trend (I'll wait for the whole worl to catch on, then when it's almost dying I'll breathe life into it :P),  be it skinny jeans or guest blogging (every other blogger is either doing guest posts or is putting up guest posts: collective loss of  creative juices!!!), but in this case I really want to make an exception. I'll succumb to this trend, much before it goes stale. I've asked V to write a guest post for me. She was my very first follower (true there is some 'I bleed chocolate' person before her, but this person has shown no signs of being alive apart from keeping the follower count from going negative) and is to date one of the first people to comment on my posts. And she always does. I love the editing she does on her pics and the crazy random things she does/talks/shares always make such fun  fun reads. Plus this is my way of bribing her to be my wedding planner ;).   
P.S. Me off to Delhi this weekend (paparaprara). Will be back on Toosday only, please pray that I take the appropriate clothes and don't freeze my ass off!!!