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Sunday, October 2, 2011

Verbal Diarrhoea or Verbal Constipation


Statutory Warning: People who continue to read on, especially bloggers, do so at your own risk. One of the 2 things might happen after reading this piece of non-fictional work: you might get offended and start putting up  posts worth reading or you might get offended and stop writing!!! Either ways it works for me.


The title and the warning must have been sufficient to indicate the nature of this post. I sit here on a totally faltoo Sunday morning, locked up inside my house for want of people to associate with and the only company I have are the blogs I so earnestly follow. The net connection as expected acted up so I am in a filthy-foul-gargoyle mood but the people who drove me into this mood are my fellow bloggers. Yaar basic concept of blogging is to enjoy what you write first!!! How can you possible enjoy the trash that you (not all but select few among the bloggers that I follow) are dishing out nowadays?

There is a guy who is totally acting like an MCP, who instead of his prior balanced posts is now veering towards shoddy grounds of comparisons; an excerpt : ‘Owning pets is like having a housewife without reaping the benefits!!!’ Mind you this isn’t original in any which way, copied from yesterday’s edition of Deccan Herald, but the farm-fresh-still-moist-goop that follows the tagline is unmistakably his!!! Baaburao do you realize your being offensive to canines as well as women in that post? Agreed freedom of expression is a fundamental right the constitution has unwittingly bestowed on you, but jam-ayella ‘Bass karo ye atyachaar’!!!

Then there is this aunty (not you Red) who for some reason has been given trucks loads of blogger awards, but I fail to see how they are helping her. Maybe she too had a peak of glory once but sadly the nadir is visible and it’s time to throw in her boots I feel. Lady: Who cares if your flab is sticking out by one more mm, haven’t you already told all of us that a gazillion times now?  Who gives a rat’s ass if yet again today you messed up the daal-kichdi!!! Take the hint, you know not how to cook, but you sure knew how to write, so please get back to that…I enjoyed your musings once upon a time (sob sob)…And for heaven’s sake stop replying with your gharelu jhagdas in replies to comments. Some things are called private for a reason you see!!!

I’ve found the concept of blogger awards quite quirky actually. The intention might have been good, eons ago, but today with every Eena, Meena and Deeka getting it, I feel it’s lost the charm. I might kick up a hornet’s nest for saying this, added to the fact that I adorn any at the moment, but allow me to present my case dearies. I witnessed this deluded creature get the ‘Versatile Blogger’ award. Now the irony in this lies that the past 38 posts of this person was about the same dam thing!!! Love and Lust…OMG I mean OH MY FRIGGING GOD…..how can you say the same thing again and again and again…yet another again in different forms and words…you haven’t convinced yourself yet that you aren’t in love or out of it, you sure as hell can’t convince anybody else!!! This whole pendulum game of ‘I love him. I love him not’ has reached a point of nausea and for Pete’s sake…stop obsessing about your hotness. You couldn’t be any colder or wetter than you are right now. In the longer run men like women with character, not those who wear nothing but their bra and saunter in to work on a Friday!

Congratulations you 3 and few others!!! You have successfully established a fact: all of you are suffering from either Verbal Diarrhoea or Verbal Constipation and in the last case both!!! I wish I could offer you a blogger award, I’ll work on it in the background, mother promise(I’m good at editing), but for now I’m off your followers list, lest the disease be contagious!!!
hasta la próxima vez

P.S: Sorry junta I’m not normally this vitriolic, some people just bring out the best in me what can I say!!! 

15 COMMENTS:

Rahul said...

Hahahahhahahahahaha!!!!!!!!Now finally on a boring Sunday I get to read sumthing interesting...:-D A laxative unlike any other for verbal constipation...An antibiotic which just kicks the balls out of verbal diarrhoea...;-)

The DRAGON in the skin of a goat ;-p said...

@Rahul: The intention wasn't to make it interesting...was just to vent out...but glad it helped you atleast :D..yep one's gonna need balls of titanium to continue coming back to my posts ;)

Rahul said...

It helped me atleast???W8..u mean it didn't help you...?????????????Hah!!!!!I could see how you relished writing all that stuff,pouring all that annoyance out of your head onto your purple blog...:-D There is this devilish glee to this whole post which I found immensely enjoyable......

The DRAGON in the skin of a goat ;-p said...

Ok this almost like chatting!!! Sitting on your blog now..actually the devil inside me is well concealed...so this wasn't really her on one of her joy rides...you helped me in keeping company yes on a boring Sun afternoon...hey help me with something else will you...the posts we put up on our blogs automatically show up on blogjunta or do we need to re-sumbit our posts or something?

Rahul said...

I think we have to keep on posting.....there is this 'Showcase' tab where we can do that....Personally,I don' think BlogJunta is as good as IndiBlogger....it has too few members....I just joined today itself...SO I can't be of too much help here...Sorry..:-(

PeeVee said...

HEAR, hear.
:D

First thing I did, went back and checked my blog to see if you hated my the month that was post so much that you unfollowed me.
Thank God you didn't.
Why?
My twin rejecting my work would be like me hating what I write if I ever read it from another pOV. Scary.

Red Handed said...

How dare you!!!You mentioned my name in brackets before AUNTY! How dare you!! :P
OK Cut that shit.
I dunno if i come under the verbal diarrhea or constipation kind now. I have no clue if you had me in mind when you wrote this out. I hope not :P

Atrocious Scribblings said...

Machi,

Deep Breathe in :D,

Firstly, Awesome post. The fact that you've mentioned the Pet peeves of the blogger universe point blank without name calling is swell on your part. I hope that makes you feel better now. I`m not on your Hit list Am I ???

Also the music player at the bottom of your page plays a killer instrumental but it can turn into a mood killer if I happen to read your blog at midnight or when i`m cranky, just my reckoning.

And a Hat tip to you for the Spanish Signatory.

Beste Grüsse :)

Stranger !!! said...

Voila ! You really are a dragon girl ! I mean having guts is a different thing, but showing (or rather, writing) down what you feel is a totally different one :D

And about the //Now the irony in this lies that the past 38 posts of this person was about the same dam thing!!! Love and Lust…OMG I mean OH MY FRIGGING GOD// part, I feel I know whom you are talking about :S. But she is not that bad! And yes, I am one of those Eena, Meena and Deeka who got this..hmm..May I quote.. "Versatile" Blogger award. But now after reading your post, I think I should remove that one from my blog !;) A candid girl you are and I so liked it ! Keep it up :)
P.S. Being a shameless creature, I will ignore your "Statutory Warning" and will keep writing :P

The DRAGON in the skin of a goat ;-p said...

Peepol...peepol...peepol....what do I do with all of you cluck cluck...never the mind...how goes the sunday?

@PV: Your the greatest find I've had recently and it's going to take a lot for me to un-follow you...also the bribe of the surprise kinda works in your favour ;)

@Red: darling you were the one one who made my day!!! The only one. How many times am i going to flatter you in a day girl...how many times...pah...some people I tell you aunties only :p

@Machi: Id din't write this to fee better you know, it might be scathing, but I really didn't rite it to feel better. I follow some great writers and it's a shame if they were to lose their touch...so I'm doing social service and kicking teir butt before it happens...I know the song even ut me to sleep after a bit...I wanna tell you to go to the bottom of the page and hit the pause button cause this site is under maintainance but I have a F&F deal with you so can't piss you off can I...I'll see what to do with it buddy...I'm learning Italian Machi...but bloody it's so difficult or the dam book I have is crap...I just thought I'll sign off in different languages it will atleast help me some bit in my 'Priyanka-learn-more-languages-campaign'...

@Stranger: First up heyya...and you do know who I'm talking about do ya or is it actually that many people loosing it? I never said these are bad (I wouldn't follow them if they were simbal) but seriously they have got to stop dishing out crap like this if they need me as their follower don't they ;)...About your blog I'm gonna have to check it out and let you know the verdict but for the love of god don't take of anything cause I said so...if you believe you deserved it then it's got to be true...But yes I'll be candid about it cause that's me...Thanks for stopping by stranger and I hope you won't have to throw back this post at me ever :-p

@Rahul: Thanks for letting me know dude...BTW in the profile pic are the 3 poeple the same? Forgive me I'm kinda blind!

Rahul said...

Yep..they are one and the same....a result of some Photoshopping...;-)

Arjit Srivastava said...

Honestly, why did you even put up that disclaimer? People who take offense at silly things, will still take offense, anyway. And as you rightly said, the "blog awards", sadly, are not conceptless. They make no sense. And are pointless, which is why I don't have any, and I ignored all the ones I got. (Booyah, sorry!)

And your title? "The DRAGON in the skin of a goat" - actually suits you well, and not to mention, is hilarious. :p

Keep writing, and we will keep reading, even if you post quotes like, "Men/Husbands/Boys are as lame as blah, blah." Seriously, we will.

Chintan Gupta said...

now only if you realize how annoying this music on your blog is :P

i have seen some people giving awards to the most no so -deserving ones but who cares, not my business! and these days, people rarely read the post properly....sigh...

cheers
Chintu Singh

The DRAGON in the skin of a goat ;-p said...

@Arjit: Thank you sooo much...means a lot to me :D...awards are good they make you feel nice if you deserve it..don't worry I'll not put up lame titles as far as possible ;)....and the name is hilarious? I'm flaring up now :p

@Chintan: I'm gonna wait for one more person to say that about the music and then it's off..It kinda calms me so will try anad keep it for sometime...short term solution mute your machine for a bit or try the pause button on the music player at the bottom of the page. And oh BTW you share the nick name with my bwoy! Thanks for dropping by Chints.

banana said...

This Constipation posting, completely useful..

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