Verbal Diarrhoea or Verbal Constipation

Statutory Warning: People who continue to read on, especially bloggers, do so at your own risk. One of the 2 things might happen after reading this piece of non-fictional work: you might get offended and start putting up  posts worth reading or you might get offended and stop writing!!! Either ways it works for me.

The title and the warning must have been sufficient to indicate the nature of this post. I sit here on a totally faltoo Sunday morning, locked up inside my house for want of people to associate with and the only company I have are the blogs I so earnestly follow. The net connection as expected acted up so I am in a filthy-foul-gargoyle mood but the people who drove me into this mood are my fellow bloggers. Yaar basic concept of blogging is to enjoy what you write first!!! How can you possible enjoy the trash that you (not all but select few among the bloggers that I follow) are dishing out nowadays?

There is a guy who is totally acting like an MCP, who instead of his prior balanced posts is now veering towards shoddy grounds of comparisons; an excerpt : ‘Owning pets is like having a housewife without reaping the benefits!!!’ Mind you this isn’t original in any which way, copied from yesterday’s edition of Deccan Herald, but the farm-fresh-still-moist-goop that follows the tagline is unmistakably his!!! Baaburao do you realize your being offensive to canines as well as women in that post? Agreed freedom of expression is a fundamental right the constitution has unwittingly bestowed on you, but jam-ayella ‘Bass karo ye atyachaar’!!!

Then there is this aunty (not you Red) who for some reason has been given trucks loads of blogger awards, but I fail to see how they are helping her. Maybe she too had a peak of glory once but sadly the nadir is visible and it’s time to throw in her boots I feel. Lady: Who cares if your flab is sticking out by one more mm, haven’t you already told all of us that a gazillion times now?  Who gives a rat’s ass if yet again today you messed up the daal-kichdi!!! Take the hint, you know not how to cook, but you sure knew how to write, so please get back to that…I enjoyed your musings once upon a time (sob sob)…And for heaven’s sake stop replying with your gharelu jhagdas in replies to comments. Some things are called private for a reason you see!!!

I’ve found the concept of blogger awards quite quirky actually. The intention might have been good, eons ago, but today with every Eena, Meena and Deeka getting it, I feel it’s lost the charm. I might kick up a hornet’s nest for saying this, added to the fact that I adorn any at the moment, but allow me to present my case dearies. I witnessed this deluded creature get the ‘Versatile Blogger’ award. Now the irony in this lies that the past 38 posts of this person was about the same dam thing!!! Love and Lust…OMG I mean OH MY FRIGGING GOD…..how can you say the same thing again and again and again…yet another again in different forms and words…you haven’t convinced yourself yet that you aren’t in love or out of it, you sure as hell can’t convince anybody else!!! This whole pendulum game of ‘I love him. I love him not’ has reached a point of nausea and for Pete’s sake…stop obsessing about your hotness. You couldn’t be any colder or wetter than you are right now. In the longer run men like women with character, not those who wear nothing but their bra and saunter in to work on a Friday!

Congratulations you 3 and few others!!! You have successfully established a fact: all of you are suffering from either Verbal Diarrhoea or Verbal Constipation and in the last case both!!! I wish I could offer you a blogger award, I’ll work on it in the background, mother promise(I’m good at editing), but for now I’m off your followers list, lest the disease be contagious!!!

hasta la próxima vez

P.S: Sorry junta I’m not normally this vitriolic, some people just bring out the best in me what can I say!!!